I recently read Jeremiah 29:13. It was a verse that I was
familiar with, having used it in teachings, prayed about and thought about. But
this time was different. I had been praying the purging fire of the Holy Spirit
on my life (inspired by J. Oswald Sanders’ book, Spiritual Maturity – I highly recommend it), uncertain as to how
the Lord would respond. I’ve been meditating on this thought for a while
because I want so badly to be close to God… to know Him as I do a friend, but
more. That’s when I thought of Jeremiah 29:13 and went to read it: You will seek me and find me when you seek
me with all your heart.
That’s when the thought hit me – “Have I ever really sought God with all my heart?” I
asked myself. The Lord, the God of the universe just made a promise – that I
could actually find Him! I may know the Almighty as a friend and that is His
desire for me. But it will cost me my whole heart.
I went to my friend and talked with her about it. I decidedthat I’d try it out, seeking Him with all my heart. So we agreed to fast for a
few days and to pray and dedicate ourselves to seeking Him with all that we
are. A fast has never been more difficult. I was drained of energy, lacking in
brainpower and motivation and found it actually harder to pursue God. I didn’t
know where to start. I wanted so badly to hear God’s voice, but I didn’t know
where to start. I wanted to find God in scripture, but I didn’t know what to
read. I prayed and found I couldn’t focus my thoughts. (I found this picture online and thought it a great representation of what was going on.)
“I ought to read my dad’s book, The Art of Listening Prayer,” I thought. I had read it before, but
never really went through it as a devotional. On the third morning I began using it as it was purposed – to help me hear God’s voice.
The end of the chapter facilitated me with a question for
God – “As the Lord to speak to you by showing you your heart.” This was the
tipping point. I did ask, and the Lord responded.
It’s cluttered. You
want to seek me with all of your heart, yet your heart is going in several
directions.
What can I begin with today? What is one of the major things
that I can struggle thru and what is a small piece of clutter that will be
simpler for me to lay down? What can I give you?
You can give me your
hopes and dreams. If you seek me with all your heart, I will plant these inside
of you. But I want all of you first. And a smaller one would be all the
programs you lead. You go forward trying to direct people to me, yet I can do
so much better. Simply facilitate my movement. Wait on me. Listen and obey.
Learn to love me. And I will not forget you.
I went about apologizing and beginning the process of
sacrificing my hopes and dreams to the Lord, and He continued to meet me there.
He gave me simple truths that I hadn’t realized and helped me to de-clutter my
heart so that I could seek Him with all of it.
As I seek the Lord with all of my heart, I feel led to use
this blog as a medium to communicate this process. I view it as a study of my
relationship with God as I pursue Him. My hope is to be real and vulnerable
with you so that perhaps you may relate and grow closer to God with me.
How have you been growing closer to God? What are some
ways that you’ve messed up and how have you gotten past those obstacles?
