It was our second week in the village at our ministry site and it was Wednesday Fellowship. Every Wednesday night the internationals working at our ministry all get together to fellowship with one another and to worship together as a community. This was the second week that our World Race teams were leading Fellowship and three of my amazing squad mates were sharing their testimonies. It was so beautiful to hear three strong women of God proclaim the truth that God and others had spoken into them and for them to boldly share what God has been teaching them! ( if you want to read these amazing women’s blogs you should go check them out: Abby, Mykal, Norma)
Worship was wonderful. It was encouraging, it was truth filled, and the Holy Spirit was present. I absolutely love worshipping God with my squad. Just before we closed for the evening a pastor that works at our ministry site wanted to share what God had showed him during worship that evening. He spoke truth over the three women that shared and then spoke to our two teams. He said that this month would be a month of healing for our teams.
My first reaction was excitement. It would be awesome for our teams if deep healing would happen regarding whatever wounds each of us carry. But then I got prideful.
What wounds do I have left that I haven’t dealt with? I’ve spent so much time and energy seeking healing from God over past relationships and the lies that I claimed from those relationships. “You’re not enough, you’re not worthy, youre not strong.”
I had already put in the effort and time. What else do I need healing from?
Writing this makes me laugh. Seeing my thoughts written in black and white makes the reality of my pride so vivid. I was so blinded by pride that I couldn’t fully see the healing that God was already doing in my life and couldn’t clearly see what God was calling me out of.
Well if you haven’t already pieced it together one of those things God was calling me out on was my pride. Specifically how pride was connected to my image of myself.
For the majority of my life I sought success and status as a way of finding value and worth. I wanted to be the leader or be the most recognized in a group. I desired recognition and attention. I desired to receive praise from everyone around me rather than giving God praise for the things God was doing in my life. Pride was not just something I struggled with but it was a part of me. I was so prideful.
I saw myself only through my accomplishments and the affirmation that I received from those around me. I only knew how to function within my pride and I couldn’t imagine myself apart from my accomplishments.
It wasn’t until that Wednesday night that I really understood how much my pride hindered me from seeing myself as God sees me. My eyes were blinded to the characteristics and qualities that God had blessed me with because they had been so wrapped up in my performance.
My blinds have been removed and I am now walking in my identity as a perfectly created daughter of the King. I am beautiful, bold, loving, compassionate, relational, strong, and courageous because that is who God created me to be. I am God’s beloved and he calls me by name!
