It is a strange thing to have in the midst of chaos.
And yet, that is all I hear when I think about what to write about.
(A young girl digging for trash outside the new Starbucks near the airport)
This month has been strange for me. I am in a beautiful place, with delicious food and adorable children. I am comfortable with a bed, a flushing toilet and a working shower (most of the time).
I work three times a week with the babies, 10pm to 6am Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I work in the field planting grass for the soccer field and making cement walls for the church we are constructing on the other days.
My teammates are telling me I am a different person, a more joyful person than I was in October. That they see me growing closer to God, see me wanting to read His Word. They see me utilizing my spiritual gifts like being able to hear and see demons, or understanding what someone is saying when they have said nothing. Things which are true.
But I am not content.
I know I have not been doing my best. I know I could be making better choices with what I do with my time. I know I could be studying God’s Word more often, and growing leaps and bounds more than I have been.
And yet, even though I feel as if I have been failing God, He is still working in me. He is still working through me to bless others.
And that blows my mind. I know the verse where we are told that Jesus came and died for us while we were still sinners. SO why is it so hard to wrap my head around the fact that He wants to use me for good?
I know He has been using me. I can see the differences between who I was in Guatemala, and who I am becoming today. I am becoming a woman of God. I am becoming who I have wanted to be for so long, but I was never willing to do the work. Well, now I am ready to buckle down.
Will I make mistakes? I’m sure.
Will I stumble at times? Undoubtedly.
But no matter what happens, know that Jesus is being preached to the nations.
And that He will finish the work He has started.
Oh, and I love you guys!
