A lot has been happening these past few months. I’ve started on the mission trip God has called me to called the World Race. It’s only month 3 out of 11 months and God has already been teaching me, reviewing old lessons, and revealing Himself to me in deeper and more intimate ways than before. As a child, I dreamed of the relationship with my Savior and being super close to Him. I now see that dream becoming more and more of a reality. But like most dreams they take a lot of work, sacrifices and you are faced with many challenges. Sometimes if you let it, those challenges can really discourage you because they look impossible or the sacrifices look too great to overcome the challenges. I’m currently facing one of those challenges. The challenge of going even deeper with my walk with my Savior or just staying where I’m at, where I’m comfortable. Do I live my dream or do I just keep dreaming? That’s a hard question and one I ask myself many times on this journey. Is my dream worth the cost? Am I bold enough to step out and live it and find new dreams to dream till I can live those out? I’ve always been a strong believer in dreaming to live not living to dream. I’ve also been a strong believer in trying to make sure my words match my actions, my actions match my mind, my mind matches my heart and my heart points to God. I’m far from perfect, but I try. Do I keep trying no matter how small or great the cost may be?
You might be asking yourself what is this dream or challenges I’m speaking of. Quite simply put, it’s a passionate and deep relationship with my Heavenly Father. Growing up as a child I saw many people date my Savior but very few actually agree to the engagement. What do I mean by that? Well, let me try my best to describe it to you. In the Bible, God’s holy word, Christ always compares a relationship with Christ as that of a bride and groom. As with a marriage, to have a relationship with God takes a lot of work, sacrifice and many challenges. So I’m sure many people often wonder if marriage is really worth all of the work. Too many of those who’ve been married for decades tell me the struggles and sacrifices were very difficult and almost impossible at times, but in the end it drew them even closer and stronger together. That is often how I hear it is with those who actually agree to be “engaged” to Christ.
You see I’ve often struggled with feeling like many Christians are like those people who just date and never get married. That couple that is ok with their Friday night dates, phone calls, and other casual dates. They say it’s going good so why mess it up? So all they do is date. They never agree to the thrill of the engagement, the plans of making a life together, the fears of what if this doesn’t work or what if it’s too hard and the joy at the end when they say it was totally worth the journey. But that’s part of the journey. Without the downs you will never experience the mountain tops. That’s how I felt about most Christians, myself included. I dreamed of the mountain top, but do I dare risk it? Is it worth it?
You see many Christians date Christ, we go to church every Sunday and we tell others all about the conversations we have with Christ and we brag of knowing the Bible/Christ but we never go past that shallow routine. We never dare to step into the uncomfortable and dare to try for more. Maybe once in a while we teach Sunday school just so we can prove to others our relationship is real and deep, but is it really? Would you dare to dream of more, would you dare to hope for an engagement and working through the differences and struggles and growing strong together? Would you dare to dream of marriage and living forever with the one you love? It costs a lot. Is it worth it to you? Are you ready to dive into an “engagement” with Christ and let Him see your bad side so He can teach you and guide you to better yourself? Do you want to grow and become stronger in the person God created you to be? It’s a freeing experience, but true freedom only comes at a great price.
You see God has asked me to be “engaged” to Him. He’s asked me for that next step of commitment. Do I commit all the way or do I just dream of what our life could have been like? Do I go all the way, am I strong enough like Ruth? Dare I tell God that His people will be my people and where He goes/leads me I will go? What if He calls me somewhere far away from my family for longer than 11 months? Do I let go and trust Him? Do I believe, even though He’s proven time and time again that He has my best interest in mind that I can truly let go and trust Him? Do I give Him every fiber of my being and my heart and soul? Do I invest 120% in our relationship? Do I say yes to our “engagement”? I want to say yes I do. Can I let go of my family and truly trust them to God? What if He leads me to a place I don’t want to go, or farther away from the ones I love than I ever wanted to go?
I must say yes though. I must. Christ has already revealed so many things to me! He’s already gone deeper in our relationship. Do I dare to step back or do I keep running forward into His arms forever to stay? How could I say no, He’s so amazing! I don’t deserve Him or His love but He still loves me anyways and I want Him, I need Him, I can’t live without Him. I can’t settle for less than what He desires for me. I love Him too much. I have to surrender all and not care what the world or other brothers and sisters in Christ may think of me. I want more!
Please, please pray for me as God continues to show me more and more of Him and what He’s called us to do and the authority He’s given us to live out. Please pray that I don’t hold back because of others whoever those others may be. Pray I listen fully and obey the one who truly loves me so much that He died for me. I want to live out my love and passion; I don’t want to hold it in.
I’ve written this blog so that others may know the commitment I’ve made to my Father and that they may hold me accountable when they see me stepping back and holding in. Call me out, call me to better myself. I want to look so much like my Father that it’s hard to see a difference between him and me. I want us to be so much like each other that we appear as one unit.
