I may should have asked permission to post this blog beforehand, but I was so moved by this message, that I felt like it needed to be passed along. This is a legacy and a story that I believe should be retold. It’s been a decade since Timmy lost his battle with cancer, but the ministry he left behind has continued to do a mighty work in his sister who is in a big battle of her own. While Timmy was only 13 when he died, his legacy and story will last well beyond his years. Here’s a portion of his story told through the words of his older sister that has never forgotten the love she saw through her brother…
Ten Year’s Later: Timmy Still Teaches Me
It’s hard to believe tomorrow is the ten year anniversary of Timmy’s death. In many ways it seems not that long ago. I can clearly picture where I was that day. I remember all the faces in the hospital. I remember how my brother looked lying in that bed. I remember the pain I felt looking at him and how he didn’t look anything like the cheerful boy that was my constant childhood companion. In other ways it seems like it has been forever since I have talked to him, laughed with him, and just spent time with him.
With each passing year I grieve differently. There is still a place deep in my heart that terribly misses my best friend and little brother. Some days I think of him often and some days not at all. It’s hard for me to say that. I used to think if I didn’t think of him constantly I was a bad sister. Each passing year my biggest fear is I will forget him. The truth is I will never forget him. He changed my life.
Timmy’s life and death made me the person I am today. In his life he taught me how to laugh. Timmy would do the silliest things. You couldn’t help but laugh. One of my favorite memories of Timmy was when he was playing Ice Hockey and he would do “Instant Replays”. If he made a great save he would gladly demonstrate it again. Another Ice Hockey memory is when he would dance while he was playing. If there was a break in the game and music was playing in the Ice Rink Timmy would just dance to the music. So for those who wonder why I dance all the time. It’s genetic.
The next lesson Timmy taught me was to face life and keep going. For many years I ignored this lesson and chose to drown my pain with alcohol. As I was struggling to get sober a pastor reminded me that “Alcoholism and depression were my cancer and I had to fight”. That encouragement reminded me of how hard my brother fought.
Timmy rarely complained when he was sick. Timmy always wanted to be on top of his school work when he was sick. Timmy just wanted to be a normal kid so he kept going about life. Timmy refused to let his disease win. Even though I let my disease win many times I never gave up completely. It was Timmy who taught me how to fight.
I’m not talking about willpower here. Timmy knew he couldn’t fight in his own strength. The biggest and most important thing Timmy taught me was to trust Jesus. I didn’t realize it at the time, but Jesus was the reason Timmy had the strength to fight his disease. I knew there was something different about Timmy. I knew he hung out with my neighbors who went to church a lot, but it wasn’t until a few years after he died that it really clicked with me.
My neighbor, Mrs. Nielsen, made this scrapbook for my family full of all these pictures of Timmy. One night I was looking at this scrapbook and noticed a story Mrs. Nielsen had included in the scrapbook. It was all about Timmy and his faith. I don’t know how I missed this all the other times I looked at the book, but this night it stood out. I wish I could say it made sense to me then, but that’s not my story. It took me many more years and a lot more pain to allow Jesus to do for me what he did for Timmy.
So as January 20th approaches I am trying to focus on the things Timmy’s life taught me. I know there is no changing the past. Sometimes I day dream about what Timmy would be like today, but that’s not reality. Timmy is gone and I miss him terribly. Even though he is gone the lessons he taught me remain. That little goofy boy with tons of freckles taught me so much about life in his 13 years. Those lessons and stories are what remain.
Even though Tomorrow may be hard and full of many tears I still want to remember and give thanks to God. I wish Timmy was sitting next to me today and we were laughing, but he’s not. As hard as that is I am still grateful that God gave me Timmy for 13 wonderful years. Even though the last ten years have been full of so much pain today I can rejoice. I can rejoice in knowing I will see Timmy again. I can rejoice in knowing that God used Timmy to bring me to Him. I can rejoice in knowing that God has redeemed my life. I can rejoice in the fact that I no longer have to drink to escape the pain, but instead can trust in the one who turns my mourning into dancing. So tomorrow I pray that as I remember Timmy’s life I take time to rejoice and thank God for 13 years with such a wonderful younger brother.
