Last night I flew back to Alabama from DC and our flight was delayed for more than two hours. I wasn’t really anxious or upset by the time we were finally able to board, but I could tell it took it’s toll on a few people around me. The plane came from Boston and had to sit on the runway for those two hours and those passengers that continued south with us would have been in their seats for almost six hours by the time we landed (for a 2.5 hour flight). I always love the open seating policy at Southwest, so it was fun to pick who I would sit by. Max was my choice.
I could see the second I walked by him, Max was exhausted and not very happy. I asked him if I could join him and he kind of perked up a little when I sat beside him. Max was pretty young, but when he told me he was up visiting colleges, I was kind of surprised to realize he was still in high school. He was from smaller town Alabama and was looking to make the move up to the northeast to try his hand up there. He seemed confident about his decision and ready to make the leap, but it was obvious this night was taking a toll on him.
It didn’t take much to push past some of the fronts he had up. I could tell there was still an aspect of him that wasn’t a man no matter how tough he looked. As I talked to him, it was fun to hear how he defined manhood and the things that make a man stand out. It broke my heart to realize how much of an influence the world has on manhood and how many boys we have walking around with puffed out chests. Finally, I just asked him what made him so tough and what his definition of manhood was. He told me that a man can stand on his own but can also provide for those around him by bringing in the groceries and the money. When I told him I couldn’t do those things, I asked if that meant I wasn’t a man. It was a harsh question for the kid, but I could see so much of myself as a high school senior and I was a punk that needed a question like that.
Needless to say, the next few minutes were awkward. He didn’t know what to say and silence never really bothers me. I finally apologized for asking him a question like that and said that he didn’t always have to be the tough one and it was OK to need people. Honestly, a man can’t stand on his own and a true mark is someone that can admit that. We’re all broken and it’s only a matter of time before the tape holding us together loses its stick. True men are spurred on and challenged by other true men (and women…) in a place of vulnerability. I’m not gifted in some areas. In fact, I’m pretty bad at them. Can a true man admit that? Or does he truly lack those weaknesses?
I’ve been on a journey into manhood that isn’t just a right of passage, but one of definition. I don’t just want to be in the club, I want to know how to bring others in. It’s an ongoing journey and the definition is constantly being shaped. But I do know one thing without a doubt; satan (intentional lower case “s”, I hear it’s like the middle finger of grammar…) has contorted, distorted, perverted, and manipulated our definition of manhood to where boys like Max don’t even have a shot. I guess I didn’t either, but it’s a good thing God is a miracle worker.
The process to manhood is a journey. We’re not marked by the same definition the world has and this world, our church, needs men to step into a true definition. It’s my constant cry and my forever journey. We need a redefinition of manhood…
