I met this guy earlier today, but because of the trust factor and I don’t feel comfortable using his real name, I’ll just call him Brad. It was a blessing to meet him and he struggles with so many of the things that most men face, but don’t often articulate. We had a discussion about vulnerability and honesty that led to some interesting thoughts on community.
Like many men in the church, Brad is a Christian that wants to raise a Christian family in a good community. He works a normal job that brings in the income so his wife can care for their child during the day. A few times a week, he brings the family to church, involves them in different ministries, and does whatever else he can to provide them with a healthy environment. On an intimate level, finances can sometimes be a struggle, so it’s hard to be social as a family without breaking the bank, and he just doesn’t want to do a lot. Brad’s biggest struggle is apathy. He’s beginning to realize that he would rather have the community take care of the family because nothing seems to really ignite his passion.
As a passionate, often emotional, person this idea is far from me. But as I thought about many of the other men I’ve met, and even my own thoughts on several occasions, I made a connection. How do you battle that apathy as a man when you put in 60 hours a week and come home to continue working? I’ve met several men that just want to come in and veg out for half an hour after work but can’t (and let’s be honest, how often is it only half an hour?). Brad loves everything about his family but doesn’t want to develop any bitterness in his own heart, and going through to motions right now might take a toll eventually. How do you reject apathy?
Many of you know that I am not married, nor do I have a child, so giving advice in this area is not exactly my expertise. However, I think we too often try to complicate things that shouldn’t be that difficult. It’s not just about getting over yourself and being the servant, but it’s also not about you to begin with. I think we as men are plagued with apathy and I think this 60 hours a week has something to do with it. I know that not everyone can quit their jobs and rely on the generosity of others, but it just bothers me when men are more passionate about their work than their family. Sadly though, it doesn’t surprise me.
As men, we’re naturally fixers or doers for the most part. Work provides that outlet to do or fix things where home life is a little more fluid. You can’t just come home and fix things all the time that require discussion, and sometimes we’re too tired to try anyway. So where’s the balance? Where does providing for your family cross the line and actually take the place of them? I don’t think that’s my question to answer just yet, but it is something to prepare myself for.
I guess the one thing I say to Brad is to just keep it simple and return to a place of intimacy. Work can’t bring that. Neither can down time. Family, wives, children, and a God that loves more than any other created thing ever are the things that bring that. Search for intimacy and that’s a place where apathy flees and passion ignites…
