I wonder if I’ll
be weightless in heaven?
Seriously, I’ve
been thinking a lot about this question the past couple of days. Because every time I have some
incredible “God experience” or “Christian high” something quickly follows it to
remind me of the weight and gravity of this fallen world we live in. Sometimes it just feels so heavy that I
literally cannot breathe and all I want to do is just be done.
Honestly, I’m
coming off one of the most incredible and challenging months of the race with
tons of clarity and joy. However,
the crushing weight that comes with gravity has quickly returned me back to the
earth’s surface and jumbled all my thoughts.
When we arrived
in the Philippines, we were able to meet the January squads and spend a night
with them. While prior situations
and conversations had already started my descent back down, speaking with this
group began to apply more than enough pressure to finish the job. It wasn’t that they were directly
pushing me, but as I recounted the stories and memories from our past year the
weight of loss, betrayal, and doubt began to take their toll. Why have so many people been sent
home? Why has our squad dealt with
so much strife and discord? Why do
we argue more than we worship?
Of course our
whole squad has had to walk through this, but it weighs a little differently
when you’re a leader. I know it’s
good when things are messy because people can be real and vulnerable, but when
does freedom and unity come? Why
face all this if it just brings up more mess and strife? I feel the weight of gravity pressing
in all around me and I’m really just crying out for relief.
I listened to a
talk this morning on this subject and it was crazy how right on it was. It all culminated in the life of
Jesus. Surprise, surprise. It went through many different
scenarios where Jesus felt the weight of loneliness (in the garden), betrayal
(with Judas), loss (of Lazarus), persecution (on the cross and almost every
other day). It all ended in
Hebrews 2 with, “Therefore, He had to be
made like His brethren (us) in ALL things, so that He might become a merciful
and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for
the sins of the people. For since
He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the
aid of those who are tempted.”
Why did Jesus
have to feel the weight of gravity and face all that He had to face?
So He can look at
us in times like these and say, “I know…”
This realization
doesn’t make things any easier but it does bring some comfort. Sometimes the weight of everything
around me is so heavy. There are
times that I just find it so hard the breathe under this gravity. I am thankful for the things I have to face,
but sometimes the memories are just as, if not more painful than the actual
events because we should “be over them” by now. So we face them alone.
As much as I would love to do this, I fear that I can’t. Just when I think I’ve learned a ton on
the body of Christ, something happens to challenge my thoughts to become
reality. Who knew I wouldn’t just
be taught something, but be called to live it out as well…
I’m so thankful
for the family that is the body of Christ (no knock on my own family, they’re
incredible).
