Our
time in Southeast Asia has come to an end. We have spent 3 amazing months in 3
different countries and ministries. In each month God has revealed either
something new about Him or something more about me. Here’s what I got from each
month:
Bangkok,
Chiang Mai, Mae Hong Son, and Hua Hin are the 4 different cities that I visited
in Thailand. Bangkok was my absolute favorite place out of all the countries we
visited, it was like (in some ways) visiting a better version of New York City!
But it was in Mae Hong Son that God really set me free from the guilt and shame
from past sins. Over the past 3 ½ years I’ve had 2 rather serious dating
relationships, both where I gave into temptation and fell into sexual sin. I’ve
been a Christian since I was 15 years old and it was always my goal in life to
save myself for marriage. Looking back now I can see how I got into those
situations and the answer is simple, compromises… I had continuously made small
compromises in my values which eventually led up to my biggest compromise. I
kept inching up to the line I had drawn, trying to get as close as possible
without crossing it. Each time I gave in I felt this deep sorrowful shame and
guilt, it was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. When I came on
the World Race I was still carrying that guilt and shame with me to each
country we went to. I so badly wanted to put my sin behind me and walk free as
a new man, but couldn’t shake off the weight on my shoulders. It finally came
to a point where I couldn’t stand it anymore; I needed to hand this sin over to
the cross. So I went up to my previous squad leader Sean and told him
everything and asked if he could pray with me.
Let
me just take a second to honor Sean Smith, he handled this situation like a true
Man of God! His response was that of Love and not condemnation, spiritual
freedom and not more bondage and guilt. So in the middle of a rushing river in
Thailand I confessed and TRULY repented from the sexual sins of my past. We
fervently prayed for freedom from the guilt and shame that the enemy was trying
to convince me was mine to bear. I asked the Holy Spirit to forgive me and to
instill in me a spirit of self-control. When we were finished I felt so much
lighter having confessed this to a brother in Christ and to my Redeemer. I
later shared this story amongst the other men in our group so they could share
in the excitement of what God freed me from.
About
a week later Sean and I came together again and prayed about breaking Soul Ties
between me and the two women I had been with. I had never heard of a “Soul
Ties” before the world race, and in case you don’t know what that is I will
explain to the best of my ability. Soul Ties are an emotion/spiritual
attachment between two or more people. The bible says in Mark 10:8 “and the two
will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh”. I had become
“one flesh” with two different people and needed to ask God to break this
spiritual attachment. So I prayed that God would do just that, but not for only
me but also for the two women. I prayed that they would also be released and
that they would not be hindered by guilt and shame as I was. When we were about
done Sean told me that whenever I think about those two girls I should
immediately pray for them. He said Satan can’t attack me with guilt or shame
about these women if I’m surrendering my thoughts about them to God. So that’s
what God brought about for me in Thailand, spiritual freedom and redemption.
I
hope I haven’t offended anyone in writing this blog about my past sins. I
wanted to write it so those who have committed the same sin would know there is
freedom from the guilt. To those who haven’t given in to this temptation I
wanted to be honest and explain how compromising in this area will affect your
spiritual/mental life. We all have stories about areas where we have been in
sin and God has brought about redemption, we need to use these testimonies to
help our brothers and sisters in Christ.
