A few nights ago, I sat on a bench strumming a teammate’s guitar. I gazed at the bright stars in Cambodia, marveling that they hang on God’s spoken word. What a great God we serve! In my short time on earth, I haven’t scratched the surface of who He is, and the veil will not be fully lifted until I’m in Heaven.
I wondered, what makes something great? Is it that the object cannot be measure or fully understood? That it transcends all that is tangible and reminds us who we are? What happens when we look at stars, listen to a musical arrangement, or stare at piece of art? In our souls, we understand there is more. Something beyond the world we live in.
As I sat mesmerized, I also felt very alone. Aloneness can at times become synonymous with loneliness. That is not what I speak of here. I speak of a certain solitude I have experienced while walking with Christ. Solitude is a continuous theme in the Bible. David spent many days alone as a shepherd boy, Elijah walked alone before Elisha, and Jesus spent days in the dessert and often went away to be with the Father.
There is a holy solitude involved in our journey with Christ. An ache that we feel no matter how many small groups we’re in, services we attend, or how much music we download.
I’m learning to embrace it, but I realize that most times we are afraid of it. We are afraid of silence, and afraid of not having companionship. So, we turn up our radios in the car, and we walk around with headphones because we don’t want to embrace the silence. We fight the solitude.
Yes, God is relational, and all the greats I mention walked in relationship and in community. However, the prophets, fathers, and mothers of faith deeply understood that to walk with Jesus is to sometimes walk in solitude, even while present with other believers.
Many times on this race, I’ve sat silent in the midst of people. I don’t feel rejected or misunderstood, but because there is solitude within me that I’m aware only Holy Spirit can understand. I treasure the silence and stillness. I don’t have to entertain or always be entertained.
Honestly, there are words in me that I don’t know how to express in English. That might sound strange, but I know there are ways I can only express myself through a heavenly language to my father. Emotions that transcend the English vocabulary, and I can only compare to the language of nature—the wind on your cheek, the stars in the sky, the rushing river, and the birds in the morning.
A great God and His wonder cannot be reduced and defined by mere words. His greatness must be felt with the soul, and revealed by Holy Spirit. I don’t desire to explain everything, but to always remain “wild eyed and mystified.”
When a baby is born, I just want cry because I have experienced a miracle. When I see the ocean, I want my eyes constantly in wonder because of its depth and vastness.
Let our words be few, and let us always embrace the silence. May the words we speak be weighted with wisdom. May we embrace the blessedness of solitude and understand that there is an ache in us that can only be fulfilled by our bridegroom. There is a space that He reserves for Himself. A oneness that we can only feel when we’re in His presence.
Eternity is within me, and from the foundations, I’ve been yoked to my bridegroom, and remain a stranger in this land.
“Jesus said unto them, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you. Before Abraham was, I am.’”-John 8:58
“But Moses protested, ‘If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestor has sent me to you, they will ask me, what is his name? Then what should I tell them? God replied to Moses, ‘I AM WHO I AM.’”
