I swear rock bottom is starting to feel like home to me. I feel like I can never catch a break. I want to be like the disciples in Mark “Teacher, don’t you care that we are drowning?” Jesus where are you? Stop sleeping at the front of my boat and grab the wheel!
I have been MIA these last few weeks. I fell back into a dark and bitter state that I remember all too well. I couldn’t see the light and I stopped pursuing it. I had just barely started seeing a glimpse of hope and I felt like God stripped that away from my family. MY families lives got flipped upside down a couple weeks ago. Out of no where with no warning. Sorry I wont really give much more details than that.
The funny thing is, I didn’t even get hit the hardest this time. Once again I had to watch my dad metaphorically get beaten into the ground. I had to watch the strongest man I know get betrayed and stabbed in the back by men he called friends. Men that claimed to want wants best for him. I wish I could of intervened on his behalf. I would of gladly have had God put that heart break on me. My dad has had enough.
Once again my dad reminded me why he is my hero. Why I want to be the man he is one day. Even though he has every reason to be bitter. Every reason to hate and be vengeful, yet he doesn’t utter a single hurtful word. He defends the men that betrayed him when I am angry and say horrible things. He still only loves and wants whats best for them. Even while listening to my dad just speak love for his betrayers, I love to do anything but that. He fully and completely knows that these men’s betrayal was very intentional on God’s part to teach him something.
The man that was the one betrayed, that man that is hurt, came to my rescue. My dad is excited for what is happening despite the hurt he is going through.He is always saying “This means God has something even better planned for us and I cant wait to see it!” What I would do to see the world through that man’s eyes. The sad thing is I could have what he has. Jesus is his strength. Jesus is his courage. My dad fully understands that Jesus is God. Jesus was in full and complete control of what happened. When the going gets tough I run. Run to everything but Jesus. My dad instantly drops to his knees and goes towards Jesus. He knows he can handle anything thrown his way because Jesus is the captain of his ship. I want that. I want that courage.
I have decided rock bottom is a great place for me right now. I am excited for the unknown which is new for me. God has something new and huge planned for me and my family. Something that is so much better than what we had. I have never been excited to start a new adventure like am right now.
Sorry I can’t give too many details on what happened. Not my story to tell. I would like to ask for prayer though. Prayer over my family. Please pray for guidance and healing. Pray that we know peace in this time of unrest. Pray for courage. We need courage to face these wounds and these giants that are looming over us. Thank you.
