It’s 2009. I wake up at 4AM in a sweat. Though the cement ground is uncomfortable, I welcome the coldness it holds. I lay there pondering for a few moments where I am. I readjust my body on my sleeping pad as quietly as I can so as to not wake my teammates. Glancing to my right, I see two tents closed and hear a soft snoring. I am reminded how grateful I am for them, to know I am not in this alone. I am not alone in being away from everything that has been my comfort for 23 years.
Over the window, our makeshift mosquito net cover blows every so often with the tiniest breeze. I ask God for a strong wind, though it only brings more hot air. A mental battle begins inside me. I have to pee, but my body is tired. The elevation is high (6,000 feet) and my body is still getting used to it, fighting the fatigue.
Sitting up, I dig around in the dark to find appropriate clothes (shoulders covered, long skirt or pants) to put on for the bathroom outside. I hear a yell and am startled. I stop moving and listen closely, “Onkulal! Onkulal! Onkulal!” Laughing to myself silently while shaking my head, I translate the word from Amharic to English; it’s meaning: eggs. The yelling woman must have just fetched fresh eggs to begin selling them early for the day.
I put on my clothes, unzip my tent and step my feet quickly into my dirty Chacos right outside my tent as I simultaneously zip my tent up behind me so mosquitos don’t get in. Focusing my eyes on the ground, I carefully step around all 5 tents so I don’t disturb anyone. I tip toe to the door, struggle with the rusted handle and finally open it with a jerk. Making my way to the bathroom, I pray that there aren’t many mosquitos I have to swat at while squatting over the hole in the ground, hence the name: squatty potty.
***********************************************************************************************************************************
This is one of many mornings on the mission field. In Ethiopia, it is currently 2009. They follow a calendar called Selamta with 13 months. When I first found this out, I thought back to my life in 2009 (Western calendar) and was sweetly reminded by the Lord that it was the same year I began to follow the Lord as a junior in high school.
I vividly remember sitting down with a friend at Chick Fil A (the best fast food restaurant in the South, no argument there) and he laid down a Bible on the table between us. I stared that Bible down and used every conversational tactic I knew to avoid him from opening that Bible. And let me tell you, it worked. When a southern woman wants to talk, she will talk your ear off. That’s how afraid I was of knowing the Lord. I was scared.
I didn’t think the Lord would accept me because of my past. I thought I was too dirty. I hadn’t grown up in the church my entire life, and thought I was too dumb to study the Word. I didn’t have any friends who were devout Christians and was fearful that I wouldn’t have any friends at all if I decided to follow the Lord.
Did you happen to notice how every sentence in the paragraph above started with “I?” I was so focused on me – my feelings, my thoughts, and my fears – that I didn’t hear Jesus speaking to me. All He wanted was for me to slow for a moment to listen to Him, to really see Him. When I stopped focusing on myself and instead tuned my attention to Jesus, it made all the difference. He simply wanted me to know that He loves me, and for me to view myself as He sees me. It was high time I stopped believing lies, and started believing God’s voice.
And hearing Him say that He loves me changed me. It did. I began a journey of longing for more of the Lord, and the more of Him I received, the more I longed for Him. Because what I received from Him is love. So much love, in every way you can think of. I think that’s what we are all really craving if we’re honest with ourselves. We want to be loved. You want to be loved. I want to be loved. And Jesus has that for us; He has a never-ending, deep, unconditional love for us. And so much more.
*************************************************************************************************************************************
Reading about my morning in Ethiopia, I hope you don’t mistake me for some incredibly awesome hardcore missionary. I’m not. More mornings than not, I wake up and have no idea what I’m doing here. And then I fight the lies that I would be happier back at home. Yes, I love home. A lot. But my happiness should not be reliant upon my circumstances – my joy shall be found in the Lord. Is this always the case? Absolutely not. But that’s why I’m here. I am seeking how to daily, in every moment, learn to rely completely on the Lord. It’s hard, but the Lord has called me to this and I know He will be faithful in seeing me through.
I am continuing to fundraise while on the field and am $2,706 away from being fully funded. My deadline is at the end of April and I would love for you to partner with me in this journey by donating to help me reach my goal or becoming a prayer partner. Thank you so much for reading my blog, blessings!
