losing control

As will likely become apparent across my next couple blogs, my thoughts have been drifting fairly consistently as of late toward the large question mark looming at the end of the race. We are about to cross over the half-way mark, which I think has granted me some subconscious permission to begin formulating diverse potential plans for my future. Not to say this is a terrible, and hopefully will continue happen to some degree before I show up on American soil in 5 1/2 months, but it has made for some intriguing revelations.

I think it’s safe and perfectly reasonable to say I am looking forward to being home. Now, I rejoice at the fact that there lies 5 1/2 months between now and then, but I have full faith God has great things in store for me to glorify Himself wherever I end up. I think I have grown a lot in faith, simply in my ability to consider those future plans and purposes with an unanticipated peace and hope.

In light of this, in my thoughts I was recently slapped across the face with the powerful notion of control. I was able to take a step back from my latest musings about my future location or occupation or ministry, and realize that too much of my anticipation was for my own control. When it comes down to it, when you are on the World Race there is very little that you effectively control about your circumstances. You’re put on a team you didn’t choose, go to the countries you’re sent to, stay with the ministry contacts you’re assigned, do the work they have prepared for you, and eat whatever (and I mean whatever) food is set before you. Upon facing all this, it seems only reasonable that my mind would rejoice in anticipation of a coming season where I can call the shots. The season where I can define my community, my location, my ministry, my diet, and seemingly everything else.

Now…that’s a dangerous number of “I’s” and “my’s,” and a slippery slope my mind could be heading down. There is a very great temptation to lose sight of the Author and Perfecter, the Beginning and the End, the Creator, the only one worthy of such a level of control. Let this World Race lifestyle and its lack of control be only par for the course of a life lived in utter dependence and faith upon His leading. I wish to pray with Jim Elliot:

“O Father, let me not be dissipated on non-essentials. Bring the Word to me in power; sublimate these huge hungers to the obedience of Christ. Above all these things, I would have holiness. Teach me the path of faith.”