POUR ALL OF YOUR ENERGY into trusting me.
As I prepare myself for training camp in a week I find myself in fear of the unknown. Ive been putting so much thought and energy into preparing my pack, sleeping area, clothes, and my mind for a matter of ten days with a group of people I’ve only communicated with via facebook. Ive spent countless nights in worry as I fear I might not fit in with these people that I will be spending 11 months with on the race. I have pretty much everything ready to go for camp, but there is one last thing I haven’t prepared, my heart.
The word heart goes so much deeper.
It is defined as…
HEART:
-The vital center and source of one’s being, emotions, and sensibilities
-Courage; resolution; fortitude
– The firmness of will or the callousness required to carry out an unpleasant task or responsibility
My heart has been filled with hope, happiness, and faith. Ive had my heart broken, ripped open, and put back together to be torn apart again. My heart now is something I keep close to myself. I don’t let a lot of people see my heart as much as God intends. As scripture says “Above all else guard your heart”, but I believe there is such things as guarding your heart to much.
Ive been guarding my heart from God.
Before I was accepted for the race, I did not think about the time before the race and how badly I would be affected. I have had moments of pure joy for the race, Ive had meltdown after meltdown (the hallmark store to set an example), sadness over all the things I will miss out on with my friends and family, missing out on holidays, weddings, dates, and birthdays. These meltdowns have hardened my heart, I did not think about them while applying for the race. As I calm my self down the Lord tells me “but think of the things you will be missing out on if you stay”.
The Race isn’t easy, I didn’t sign up for easy, I signed up to get out of my comfort zone and push myself to be closer to God. I want to see my relationship with the Lord become stronger. In order to get stronger in anything you must push through hardships and the sufferings.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” Romans 8:18
So that being said; I’m pouring my energy into preparing my heart to give to God. The Lord gives us grace and it is okay that I need to prepare myself to give him my all. All of my fears, anxiety, and trust. I need to give my heart to him more than I already do. My prayer is to find the true depths of my heart God has intended for me.
“my heart is yours
take it all
my life in your hands”
