Hey Y’all! Again, you don’t have to read the blogs that come first in this series, but it helps this make more sense!
Homeward Bound Part Three: Except When You Don’t
“You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high flyers who soar to high heights… Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t… Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing… Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.” –Oh, the Places you’ll Go by Dr. Seuss
“These are the words of Him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What He opens, no one can shut. And what He shuts, no one can open. ‘I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door’…” –Revelation 3:7-8
“Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! …But the Lord will be a refuge for His people…” –Joel 3:14&16
I gave you a –believe it or not- brief summary of what my parents and I have gone through over the years. And then I told you about God asking me if He was worth more to me than my parents. And I said “yes”. I chose to follow Him on this adventure of the World Race, even if that meant never seeing them again, in this lifetime.
All because God placed before me an open door, and asked if I was willing to step through it. And I still am (I have a bit of a Gideon test going on, just to make sure). But He hasn’t just set one open door in front of me. No, my friends, He’s given me two. Two very different, but equally important doors. It’s as if I’m standing at a fork in the road.
In fact, I can see this very fork in my mind’s eye. Picture it with me: a small, dirt road. It’s a bit bumpy and uneven. Sometimes you can’t even see but one step ahead of you. Trees so incredibly thick on either side of the path. You’re sure there are snakes and scary bugs and predatory mammals hiding in this forest. Then, as you top a hill, you look up, and see the sun rising against a wide clearing. Luscious green grass all around. The only problem is, your path splits. Both paths lead to mountains and valleys. And you know your guide is an expert at either path. He has already hiked both trails. Then, He turns back to you, and gives you a brief summary of both options.
To the right is the World Race. Untold adventure. Seeing captives set free. Experiencing miracles that haven’t happened in America in years. Living out of a backpack, on $5 or less per day, and depending on Him for my every need because there is no possible way I could provide it for myself. Travelling across His creation, and seeing His artistry. Gaining a true appreciation for other people and cultures. Seeing what it means to be a minority. Being in complete awe of the wonder that is my God and His people.
To the left is home. A break from pursuing my Education degree, to get a cosmetology license (I need a job to see me through the rest of college, and teachers don’t get paid much, so that’ll be a nice side gig). Being secure in knowing I would be here when my mom’s health begins to decline again. Dating. Marriage. The possibility of doing the World Race, or something like it, with my partner in crime, sometime in the future. Adoption. A career. Getting involved in local ministries while supporting my new World Race family. Knowing that with a little hard work, dedication, and a whole lot of Jesus, all my dreams for the future can start now.
And then, my Guide says, “It’s your choice.” I shake my head and think, it can’t be. You must have just one plan for my life. I have to figure out what it is. So I fast and pray. And have others fast and pray. And I seek counsel from my trusted friends. Yet every time I ask, the only answer I get is “You choose.” Still, I keep seeking. And God goes quiet. For weeks. The last time I ask, He says, “I won’t continue to answer the same question, because you know my answer. It’s. Your. Choice.” Then He uses one of my favorite preachers, one of my all-time-favorite sermons to say, “Sometimes God cares more about the person you become than the door you choose to walk through.” And I accept it. It’s my choice.
And I realize the reason I kept searching, well, keep searching for a different answer: because I don’t want the responsibility of the consequences of my decision. I’d much rather have someone to blame if it all goes south. See, choosing between good and bad isn’t hard. But when it’s two equally good, yet equally difficult options, the task seems impossible.
But I make my decision. And I tell my Guide what I want to do. And He looks at me lovingly, takes my hand, and says, “Okay then, let’s go.” But, though I’ve decided, I’m still not ready. “Can we stay here a while? I’d like a break.” He picks up my load, assures me we can, and leads me over to the green pasture, beside the still waters for rest.
“The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me… Surely your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” –Psalm 23 (less verse 5)
