It started yesterday: the nerves. I told some friends I was *thinking* about visiting a new place. Since I knew someone would ask how it went, I knew I needed to go. So I asked another friend what time she’d be there. Then I tried to research what to expect. And picked out a not-too-dressy, not-too-casual outfit.
When I woke up this morning, I was excited. There are going to be people I haven’t seen in a long time there. Its going to feel great to be plugged into this community, in this area again. Its been far too long. So I put on my make up, fix my hair, and don the aforementioned outfit.
I get in my car, triple checking that I have all I need, and pull out of the driveway. I contemplate the best way to get there. Then, it hits; that fimiliar wave of uncertainty.
Now, I’ve always been good at being alone. I often prefer it. There is solace in eating alone in a restaurant. You get all the popcorn and soda to yourself if you go to the movies solo. I can walk into a class filled with strangers, and be completely confident in myself. I can stand on stage, and speak wth a steady hand and voice; sometimes without the aid of notes.
But when faced with walking through a new set of church doors, anxious thoughts flooded my mind. Where will I park? How will I find my friends? What if I don’t know the music? What if I’m underdressed, or worse: overdressed? Will they judge me for not tithing to this church? Should I explain that I really *do* give tithes and offerings? Where should I sit? What if I can’t find the sanctuary, or the bathroom if I need it? Will the way I worship be accepted? Should I raise my hands, even if no one else does, or would that be a distraction?
That’s when I realized that we, as Christians, as the church, have failed our communities. Instead of offering hope and grace, we have projected a culture of rules and standards. If someone who is, for all intents and purposes, a strong, independent, confident person, who has been in church since 9 months before she was born, has troubles and worries entering a new church, how on earth do I expect outsiders to come in?
I know the lingo. I’ve been to almost every denomination’s service at least once. Heck, I helped plant a church and was a church leader for years. Yet the fear of unacceptance tried to grip my heart.
I just want to say: major props to anyone who walked into a church uninvited. Or invited, but without the security of knowing someone will be with you. You are so incredibly brave to face the unknown in such a way.
And I’m sorry my people have projected such an image of judgement. I’m sorry that we’ve made you worry about your looks. Or whether you know the jargon, or the songs, or if you’ll be expected to give away your money. I’m so, so sorry that what you know of us is standards and rules and exile, instead of love and grace and companionship. Im sorry that we, that I, have gotten so wrapped up in representing my religion, that I stopped representing my Savior.
I got lucky today. I found myself at a place who welcomed me before I even made it to the sidewalk. Genuinely joyful people offered assistance, should I need it. No one was concerned with my looks or worship style, because they were there for Jesus. No one asked for my money. And the first thing the pastor said was “I’m going to work on being more transparent. Because you need to know this is the place where its okay to not be okay.”
Its okay to not be okay. That’s the lesson God and I have been working on for a year now. And I realized my fears stemmed from a place of knowing most churches now days are museums of saints instead of hospitals for sinners. And I cannot pretend to be perfect, or to have the answers. I need the allowance of not being okay, if I’m not actually okay.
And so does the world. We cannot expect people to visit our churches just because we invite them. We especially cannot expect them to walk through the doors if no one has invited them in. We need to face the fact that churches are scary because we’ve failed.
Its no longer enough to welcome and make them feel loved once they’re in the building. They need to feel loved and accepted just the way they are before the invitation to join you is even extended. We can’t fix our reputation quickly. But we can do it easily.
Love them like Jesus. Get on their level first. Show them its okay to not be okay. That God wants them just as they are. Once they accept this, that’s when we let them know that He loves them too much to leave them that way. Trust first. Acceptance second. Repentance and change third.
We aren’t called to establish systematic rules. And we aren’t called to make quick converts. We are called to make disciples, and that’s a lifelong process.
Before I make you too defensive, know that while this is a rebuke (mostly for me), its said with love.
And I know that not all churches have dropped the ball. As I mentioned, the one I went to today was incredible. But before you challenge what I’ve said of our reputation as a whole, consider how you would handle going to a new church. In a new area. With no one you know.
And if you can honestly say it wouldn’t bother you at all on any level, then please acknowledge that most people still fear rejection. Especially the unsaved who have yet to experience acceptance from God.
Thank you so much for reading my thoughts and convictions! And even more thanks for your continued prayers and support. I cant do life alone and I appreciate the community you’ve created more than words can express.
