I was talking about the race with my mom one night, and she said, “(Relative) made the comment that you’re going to come back a different person; I said, ‘Well, yeah, that’s kind of the point.'”
All of the people I hold closest in my heart have said similar things. They know I’m going to change while I’m gone. I know I’m going to change while I’m gone, otherwise I wouldn’t be going.
Maybe that sounds selfish to you, but I just want to be honest about my motivations. Yes, I want to build relationships with people and share the love of Jesus Christ in practical ways. But I can do that here.
What I can’t do here, is experience complete abandon. My life is very comfortable. I have come to realize that my personal pursuit of Jesus means becoming uncomfortable. It means getting rid of the safety net that is my family and friends. It means going into a situation where I have no control. It means depending on others for my well-being. Just typing this paragraph made me uncomfortable.
I know that God has so much more to show me. So, I’m chasing after Him. The line is a little blurred as to if I’m going for me, or for Him, but the bottom line is this: I want to know God in a way that I can’t if I stay here. I want God to change me into someone who reflects Jesus more and more each day. I want to see God do things I have only ever dreamed about.
So, of course I expect to change. I don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like, but I do know I will come back with a better understanding of discipleship and community. I hope that I come back with more vulnerability and urgency. I hope that I can let go of some of my control.
But please know this, you, my family and friends, you are going to be different people when I return, too. You’re going to be 11 months older, and hopefully 11 months wiser. You will have experienced joy and heartbreak and everything in between. There will be weddings, babies, and probably deaths; new jobs, petty arguments, and life-altering experiences.
We are all constantly changing. I know that I want to make next year a year of progress. I ask you, are you just going to change, or are you going to progress?
