You need to have 40% of your support in your account.
This amount is: $5600
That simple notification in my inbox this week completely freaked me out. Yes, I knew it was coming. I expected it to show up, to be there to laugh in my face, my constant reminder that at the moment in this area I’m just not up to par. Yes, I’m sure you’re also going to say that my perspective in that expectation is all wrong and I agree but I’m just being honest with how I feel right now at this moment. It’s the one concern that constantly squeezes its way into my brain throughout the day and night. I try not to be anxious or worry and I fail multiple times a day, constantly returning to God and realizing how little I really trust His perfect leadership.
I’m a deadlines girl. As a former assistant editor for a newspaper it’s kind of drilled into me. I’m also a fiercely independent girl accustomed to solving all my own problems and a few of everyone elses without help. This is killing me!
So I just thought I’d be bluntly honest with everyone, here as it stands at lunchtime on Friday, Oct 31st:
I have a $1,005 in my support account with another $650 or so in monthly pledges.
I feel a bit lost at the moment, I may have dropped my fear at the cross last week but one seems to still be hanging on and it’s the “what if…”
To add to my frustration as I was going through my closet tossing clothes, ignoring the “what if” question pounding in my brain, and thinking “well a yard sale would at least get me a few dollars”, I clear as day hear, “Give it all away”. Really God?!?! Dude You so confuse me sometimes!
But at the end of all the questions and wrestling with God, today I choose to lay my fears down and believe that God is in control and His leadership really is perfect. To believe that I haven’t made it this far into this journey to give up and sit down. Knowing that whatever happens it’s all about God anyway.
