Running is a love I never developed, so training for the
World Race has proven to be a stretching experience (no pun intended). Today,
however, was different. It was the most enjoyable 3 miles to date.
My friend Jenny and I met at our usual time today. Our goal
this week has been to make it to the deer stand along the trail (about 1.3
miles in) jogging the entire distance to that point and then jogging the
uphills along the rest of the trail – a goal I had yet to attain to and it wasn’t
helping my growing frustration this week.
We started off and I shortly fell behind a bit and decided
it was a good time to have a long conversation with God, who knew He had a few
things to converse with me about too
In his mercy and grace He gently reminded me of, “Let us run
with endurance the race set before us, looking unto Jesus…” from Hebrews 12 – specifically
the “looking unto Jesus” part. He pointed out, “You don’t have to keep pace
with her, look to Me.”
It was like an instant eye opener that for days now I have
been pushing to keep pace with my friend when that’s not my goal – my goal is
to finish the trail without needing to be sent to the hospital for lack of
oxygen! Well that’s my immediate goal. My real goal is to be able to be
physically in shape so that no matter where God sends me I can actually go.
Stephanie… breathe.
Then I also realized I’ve been looking in lots of directions
and doing a lot of comparisons instead of keeping my gaze solely on Jesus.
I have been unbelievably stressed over my account balance,
knowing that $685 is an awful long way from the amount needed. And after my
computer crashed today while trying to save and pdf my newsletter that I spent a week perfecting the layout and
wording on, I had a bit of a meltdown. You know
the sitting in the middle of the floor, helpless, saying, “Ok God… really… what’s
the deal? I’m trying and I just keep slamming into some brick walls! Aghhh!!!!”
Again in God’s gentleness He reminded me that He alone is my Provider. He works
through men but ultimately He is in control. There was even the rebuke that I’ve
had no problem believing in His provision for every other team member but seem
to doubt that I’
m worth the effort. Stephanie… breathe.
I began to lift up my team and the leadership I was reminded
that He knows every one of us and has called us by name. He is aware of our
struggles, our needs – the good, bad and the ugly! He knows what has been and
what is to come. He has brought this group of people together. It is no
accident. There are people on this squad that will lay hands on sick and see
healings. Ones that will proclaim the truth unashamedly. Men and women that
will prophecy life over people and nations!
As the conversation continued I noticed I was breathing… and
still jogging! It calmed and focused me to recite the verses I know of God’s
strength, His faithfulness, His goodness, etc. I recalled His love and all the
many things there is to be thankful for. It still hurt. There were moments I
could barely put one foot in front of another but… I endured…I made it to today’s goal!
And was greatly reminded that His grace is sufficient and
His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9) if I’ll keep my gaze focused on Him!
