I know you have all been waiting to hear about my experience at training camp.
Honestly, I have put off this blog for a few days to try and process all that God did in my life in ONE short week (I lie..it felt like we were there weeks haha).
Where should I start…oh yes…brokenness.
I started out the week thinking I had taken care of all of my baggage and that I had dealt with my past and was ready to move forward. I was so wrong. God broke me even more…and I was taught to rejoice and see the beauty in my brokenness.
The confirmation of my calling started the very first night. We had our first session and as you know my first blog ever was called "It starts with a whisper.." I wasn't sure where the title came from or why those words came out on my first blog but it just happened. As I'm sitting in our first session somewhat overwhelmed by everything going on and how real it had all become. Our speaker says… "It starts with a whisper. And the whisper is real". WOAH HEY….if thats not some holy confirmation, I dont know what is…At that point I knew I was RIGHT where I was suppose to be. And the whisper I had heard was becoming more real than I ever imagined.
The first day was the hardest day for me. I felt “naked” if you will. Stripped of my usual hair products, make-up, confidence, and cute boutique clothing….I found myself feeling incredibly vulnerable and out of place. Sometimes thinking…"What am I doing here?!"
I wanted to hide, run away, and isolate.
The cool thing about the World Race is you can’t do that…you are forced to live in an environment of community. I found myself telling others in tears of my fears of opening up and being judged or not accepted. I was faced with a choice…was I going to give this thing every thing I have and open up to a group of complete strangers or run away from who God has been calling me to be?
“They trip and fall because they refuse to obey, just as predicted.
But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people,
God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him,
to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you —
from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.”
1 Peter 2:9-10
Wow that verse hit me hard.
I love when my daddy reminds me of my worth and purpose. 🙂
So there it was…I made my choice. Honesty and being vulnerable was worth the risk. I was going to give this week everything I had, every deepest part of me that I didn't want to share and force myself to bring everything to light so HE could use me to show others the night-and-day difference He has made in my life no matter how painful it may be for me.
I felt God calling me to “Shine bright beautiful, embrace the moment and opportunity I’ve given you.”
So I did just that…and when I did, the most incredible thing happened. I was showered with love, words of encouragement, and was spoken life over and brought out of my darkness. I was learning to shine bright despite my vulnerable state. I found that He loves the beautiful mess that I am and can use me JUST where I am…right now.
I found that he is proud of who I am, and He has made me pure and holy. I continued to struggle with my outer beauty…but he renewed my spirit and showed me my beauty within. That I can go unshowered for days, wear absolutely no make up and not do my hair and still feel beautiful :). (this is HUGE for those of you who know me well…)
Girls in our squad began to come to me with things of their past wanting to share and seek healing together. It was BEAUTIFUL. We began praying over each other, making declarations together, speaking life into each other and rebuking the lies the enemy has placed over us for so many years. We found healing and love and realized WE ARE NOT ALONE.
In one week He showed me that he has brought me from literally nothing to SOMETHING! He has taken me from rejected to ACCEPTED! And I found a complete joy I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before.
And here are just SOME of the things I learned…
That he was calling me to be a team leader of 6 beautiful women I cant wait to pour life into and go out in the world bringing love to the Nations!!!
Team Hephzibah!!
Isaiah 62:3
"You'll get a brand-new name
straight from the mouth of God.
You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand,
a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God.
No more wil anyone call you Rejected,
and your country will be no more called Ruined.
You'll be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her)
and your land Beulah (Married)
Because God delights in you."
That a sisters hands and words straight from God could bring healing in my life and heart.
That singing "He loves us, Oh how He loves us" into another sisters eyes could bond us and touch my heart more than years of friendship have ever done.
Worship isnt just a service. We are called to engage in worship.
Singing, dancing, shouting, praying outloud, and listening.
I learned how to surrender during worship.
That spiders, bugs, and bug bites arent as scary as they were before.
That Men of God dont use, abuse, or have alternative motives.
They love and serve women because they are called to do so.
They speak life and wisdom over you and pray over you and encourage you.
They see you as sisters in Christ and want to protect and love on you as a sister.
(this is our men giving us paper roses, to say thank you for serving them)
That stepping outside of my comfort zone could bring
deeper friendships and connections with girls I had just met.
That three squad leaders could pour so much life and love
into you and see you truly how God sees you.
That hiking with a heavy pack that will carry everything we wil own for the next year can be fun and beautiful:)
Living in tents starts to feel normal after a while.
That dance parties are totally normal for our squad
and can actually be a lot of fun 🙂
That eating weird and random foods was okay,
and learning different cultures was so interesting.
Food wasn't a constant thing on my mind anymore.
That the closer you get to Jesus, the more clearly he speaks…
and there is absolutely NOTHING like being intimate with Him.
That a group of 64 strangers can become the best of friends and call eachother family after one week.
God is so good!! I cannot wait to go into the world with this group of crazy Jesus lovers 🙂
So today, I walk in the confidence that God has given me a new name. He has brought me from a place of nothing, to being Something and has given me a purpose in this life I never expected. I cannot wait to launch with my squad in 6 weeks. 🙂
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