No words can describe the emotions and feelings I have right now. Everything is finally sinking in.
I look back to May 9, 2012. When God spoke to me and revealed his plan for this season of my life. It was impossible. There was absolutely no way I could go on this race….but this peace overwhelmed me and the whisper was so real. I knew this was my calling. Earthy problems seemed so small to what God was awakening in my heart.
So I decided to have faith…despite people’s doubts and negative comments, despite my current situations that were overwhelming, and despite my disbelief that God would want ME to go represent HIM.
One by one, things fell into place. Impossible things. Things that only God could do. In awe, I watched as things worked out in miraculous ways in my personal life, consequences of my past, financial problems, and relationships. I have been in complete and utter awe of how BIG our God is.
If you happen to have doubts.
Please contact me, I’d love to share my story with you.
A true beauty from ashes story…anyways…
Sooo let me tell you, if you are getting ready to go on the race when you read this. Say Hello to some Uncontrollable Emotions….
These are fun!
Not really….
1. I hate randomly tearing up….literally it could be anywhere and all the sudden the sadness of leaving family, friends, my clients, and everything I’ve worked so hard for.
2. Or the random outburst of excitement (these moments are actually fun! :)) where I run around blabbing about what God is doing and how good He is and how fun the process of becoming more like Jesus will be!
3. Then there’s the freak-out, panic attack, don’t talk to me right now moment. (eek, i’m sorry Mom and Dad)
4. The “hug me for longer than the usual 3 second moment”….which is just weird for some people, so I apologize. I might have just needed that especially long hug, so I thank you.
5. The “this is my last everything” moment….which is all in my head I’m sure. I guess I’m just being dramatic. I did not need to eat that extra serving of hummus and nut thins just because I might not see it for 11 months.
(Chicago O'hair airport was pretty fancy)
So now, I sit here just arriving in Chicago. I'm waiting at the hotel to meet up with my lovely treasurer!! So because I had a mini-breakdown already I thought I would blog about it.
Today has not been easy.
I was basically running around my house last night like a little girl who had too much candy, so excited and amped up about leaving today!! My heart was racing…I was so ready to just LEAVE ALREADY!!
I got up at 4:30am, with only 3 hours of off and on sleep.
One of my dear friends stopped by at midnight to bring me the sweetest present I think I have ever received. Although I had literally no room for it in my pack, that thing was going with me even if I had to carry it! She had made me a book of 365 days of encouragement….from friends and family and inspiring verses and quotes to keep me going on those days when it gets hard. I have a feeling I will LOVE having this with me no matter how much it weighs.
I have been so blown away by the encouragement and support I have recieved. To each of you (you know who you are) …thank you so very much for helping me get to where I am today. Thank you for your donations, support, hugs, letters, and little blessings you have poured out over me!!
Real talk: I was so confused why I wasn't more excited traveling today. I love traveling. But I found myself so exhausted and feeling so insecure about myself. I continued to pray….but all I heard the Lord tell me was to "breathe".
It is all so surreal.
I really just left and honestly don't know much of anyhting, I feel completely clueless.
I know that after packing and repacking literally 6 times…I still have too much, and it is incredibly to heavy to be carrying all over the world.
I got a phone call saying one of my family members is sick. Instant heartache came over me….I just left and I already feel like I am not there for them.
I know that already on day 1 of the race, I got lost at the airport. Like wondered around for almost an hour trying to find where I was suppose to be. (I travel quite a bit by myself and this has never happened..)
I know that I could barely pick up my pack. Struggled to feel confidence or excitement at all. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I hardly packed anything, yet it is WAY too much.
I hadn't cried at ALL during goodbyes and I wasn't sure why….but It hit me when I got here. I'm suppose to be excited. What is happening…why do I feel out of place?
THEN GOD REMINDED ME…
There is some MAJOR spiritual warefare going on. Four squads of 60-70 young adults who are radically in love with Jesus are about to go out into the world and shake things up!! Of course Satan would attack me as soon as I leave and while I am alone. I keep forgetting that I AM NOT ALONE!!
So, thank you for letting me talk out my uncontrollable emotions and realize that Satan is attacking me right now, and I can choose to run to Jesus right now and know that He is so much bigger than my current emotions.
Today, I choose JOY. I choose PEACE. I choose to LET GO as best that I can and LET HIM HAVE ALL OF ME.
Okay…whew…LETS DO THIS!!! : )
Stay tuned over the next few days!! I will be updating about what we will be doing in Guatemala!!
Cannot wait to share with you about where we will be Month 1!!
