I want to live a life where I know that I am not able to rely on my own strength. I want to live a life that is inexplainable without the power of the Holy Spirit. That if I were to live this life without God’s Spirit, I would be done for.
I have realized, this is something that must be fought for and sought out every single day.
The only way I could ever come to this place, the only way I could ever live this life filled with God’s Power, is through surrender. My life must be surrendered. To God’s Will. And that takes trust.
I have also realized that the cost of following Christ costs one his own life, which means this costs me my will, the things I want to see happen. Surrender and humility seem to be the pathway to true life, to true grace-given-Power.
Recently I have found it difficult to surrender many things in my heart to God. Through a long and somewhat hellish process, I was made aware that I am afraid to surrender, and that is because my trust was little. A little step in trust requires much faith. Some have said faith might be spelled R-I-S-K. I would have to agree.
When I make that decision to trust things out of my control, i feel empty and helpless. It’s hard for me, and I feel like others, to come to God and say “I relinquish this control. I give this in your hands.”
Times recently for me in doing this, has been me pounding my chest and yelling out that this is my faith for God. It hurts to let go of control, it truly is. but I must find in myself the strength to be weak.
This last month of trying to surrender, I have felt so empty. Simply a broken vessel walking around with a burdened and empty heart. But I have to believe that if it is my will to be filled with the Spirit, I must not be full of myself.
There has never been a more challenging task than a man willingly dying to himself. It feels as though one is refined, beautifully and painfully, through fire. Yet let it be a fire that sets our souls on a path to the conformity of the character, and will, of our King.
May we be so bold to pray for brokenness, to pray for emptiness, in order to be filled with the power of the Holy Spirit.
blessings to you
Shadrach
