All sin is rooted in self bending in on self.
In my life I’ve been recently noticing this playing out in two ways, the first being entitlement. As I review the nitty gritty details of my testimony to share with my teammates I have noticed a pattern of entitlement in my heart. When God takes something out of my life I usually let go of whatever He’s asking for, but I sit in a temperament of conditionality towards Him. The next time He asks for anything from me directly after taking something from me I’m likely to refuse because I’ve kept a record. The voice inside my heart cries: “No way am I giving you any more! I deserve whatever I want now because I’ve given you that one thing you asked for!”
To help you visualize my heart, picture a child coloring and working on a craft. Out of no where they pick up a blowtorch that is entirely unrelated to the craft and dangerous to their well-being. Their teacher takes the blowtorch from them and they immediately cascade into a fit, refusing to work on the craft and instead tearing their unfinished work to pieces. The scenario reeks of foolishness when the difference in authority between the two characters is emphasized. The teacher commands so much more respect than the child. The child is being….childish.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements? Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? To what were its foundations fastened? Or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?” Job 38:4-7
The truth is that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. I deserve death and what I’ve been given is Jesus who is life. I don’t need anything more than Jesus. He is enough. God, I pray that this truth would seep into every corner of my heart and mind. All I need is more of you and less of me.
The second way I see myself bending in on myself is in my stubborn desire to be the irreplaceable star of the show. This has already played out in ministry as we began teaching English to kids. At first I felt I had no purpose because I wasn’t working in my area of expertise. I was frustrated that the skill set required by the ministry was not specialized and didn’t spotlight what I’m able to do. I felt replaceable and without purpose.
God has been gently reminding me that even though ministry is NOT about me and what I can do, He still wants ME, Serena Noel Snyder, here. Each day He has prepared purpose for me. Although many are able to accomplish the tasks that I am doing, no one else can fulfill the purpose God has for me here in Santiago, Dominican Republic, Calle Proyeto 2. So I walk in humbleness and faith, learning to seek out purpose in each day, thinking of chance encounters as doors of opportunity. I believe that it was no accident that these specific children come to our English camp. It was no accident that those are our neighbors in the DR or that woman cooks our meals.
In summary, it would be a miracle for me to love others selflessly and to love myself as I am now. So my prayer is for a miracle. I want more of you, God, and less of me. I want to walk deeper in the purpose that you have for me here today and feel more assured of the identity you have given me.
