I’d say my relationships are alright. Things are working for me. Why should I go deeper emotionally? Why should I be known by others, and why should I work to know them more deeply?
What will happen if I do?
Some people claim to desire depth intrinsically. And I would lump myself in with that group of “some people”. At times. But other times I don’t even desire to go deeper because I doubt the existence of another level – a whole new world, if you will.
Deep down I think that there’s nothing more than what I’m experiencing now. I don’t understand what could be deeper than where I’m at now with my friends. And with God.
What does that even mean….”deeper”? How would that even feel?
Metaphorically I am a child who doesn’t want to go to Asia, who doubts its very existence, merely because I’ve never been on a plane.
I don’t want to be this child. I believe that there is more and I want it.
I believe there’s more trust and intimacy with God than I feel now. There’s opportunity for more laughs and whispers with Him. There could be more late nights and early mornings thinking about Him. And I believe, somehow, that there could be even more in my relationship with Him than I can describe in a concise word picture in this post. That’s one of the hardest beliefs for me to hold on to – that if I keep walking there will be more to experience than I can make up in my mind.
“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17
And my favorite CS Lewis quote to wrap up:
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Dear God. I know that if you threw me into the ocean right now I would drown. I can’t swim because all I’ve done is make mud pies. Please teach me how to swim in the ocean. Take me there and swim with me. I love you. Amen.
