Since I wrote
last I’ve been to Africa , Holland, Mexico and Thailand! I feel almost grieved that I haven’t
taken the time to write since then.
Why grieved? I don’t know, maybe it’s because I feel
a sense of release when I’m able to get down on “paper” what I’ve been learning
and experiencing! Sometimes I just write as if it was only God reading. At times I feel like I’m going to pop
with all the stuff bouncing around in my head and heart!
And…. I write so
I don’t forget!
Last week when I
was in Thailand a young woman come up to me and said, “I came on the race
because of your blog.”
What!??! ME…
WHY!!?
I don’t know…
comments like that just don’t seem real!!
I guess it’s always easier to believe in others vs. yourself! I clinched my teeth and said, “thank
you.”
This process of
growing NEVER stops! And the
uncomfortably it requires seems to always be there! At least that’s been my
experience!
I constantly feel
like I’m in positions I’m not qualified for! Having responsibilities that I could really fail at! Doing things that I think other people
are more qualified or even better at then me!
So much grace!!! So… much… grace!
I think I’m
beginning to understand why Paul boosted in his weakness! I still trip over my
words and have a very limited vocabulary. If it wasn’t for spell check I don’t
know what I’d do! I’m not the most business savvy, the best teacher, or
preacher. I’m pretty average and
struggle in a lot of areas. Still have questions and hope one day to have more
answers! I didn’t plan this.. it truly feels like I found myself here. How is it that I’m the one teaching
anything to people in the nations? That I get put in a pulpit to preach…well hopefully
that’s what I’m doing, sometimes I just don’t know…! What’s the difference between talking and preaching? A pulpit?
* (Tiny rabbit
trail)…true worship will preach all by itself… suffering will preach all by itself! I heard a man say, “if you preach what
you know you’re just talking! If you preach who you are, just maybe, just maybe
you might be preaching!”
MLK Jr. “Drum Major Instinct sermon,”
now that’s preaching! It preached
so much it was played at his funeral- his own words! Ha! Check it out if you
haven’t before!
A few weeks ago I
was writing a friend in Germany, catching her up on life. I wrote out what I had been hearing
from the Lord!
No it wasn’t an
audible voice.. In my
spirit ya know?
“I sense a
gentle and sober caution in my spirit from the Lord! Almost as if the
Lord has been whispering. ‘There is a window of time, a season within the
season, if you catch it and listen well, the foundation will be set for when
you will need it in time to come! Don’t get so busy with “kingdom
works” that you miss the kingdom! For it is a Kingdom of small things,
like the intentions behind your thoughts! I’m laying it now… the time
I’m giving is now for this… later you will understand… you can’t plan or
foresee this, heed to my whisper as you have done before… later you will see
the perfect marriage of time and destiny. You are still so young, remain young.
Yes young, if not young then what should I say, Mature? There is much to come.!
Remain humble no matter the works, praise, or reward! Even in
whatever maturity you think you may gain remain young! Remain young in
perspective, humble and teachable.. no matter if you’re 80.. remain young! Know
the season you are in and the season you are in corporately!”
God is alive and
Well! I’ve resolved and settled a
while ago, IT DOESN”T matter how
talented or attractive you are, how much you think you know, what gifts you
have, or miracles you’ve seen…. It’s about LOVE! I’ve been asked my dreams many
times… and I have some, more then I’ve ever had! But I dream more of who I can become not what I’ll do! I just figure the “doing” will come
from understanding the “being” of who God made me to be, first!
This has been the
internal dialog for months now.. =)
This is how I
think! ha
