Back from Thailand and there hasn’t been time to
process! But Process what? When Iwas 20 years old and I left the country for the first
time! Went to Peru for one month doing a community based tourism study for my
major. I grew a small beard, as best as a 20 year old could, bought
a tribal earring made of wood and stuck it in my ear. Had a handful of interesting encounters and saw the country!
You would have thought the world had ended upon my
return! I was downcast, somber,
and struggling with “reentry.”
Still had my tribal earring though, and a now clean-cut beard! haha I honestly think I thought I had
something to “process.” Maybe I
did, it was my first time out the country. Maybe I just thought I was special
because I “saw” things that the rest of my classmates, who didn’t go, “wouldn’t
understand.” Entitled to my
experience! Didn’t mean to be, but that’s my assessment!
I’m 28 now and have been to nearly 30 countries….I
think. I really don’t know
anymore. Lets just say a few years
in hindsight can make you laugh at yourself!
A week ago I was in Africa, spent 3 weeks in Asia before
that, Was in Spain for 6 months 3 months before that, was in Central America
and Asia for 5 months before that, and will be back in Africa again by the end
of next month! Not to mention my day to day job with the World- Race and trying
to balance a social life! I’m seriously so blessed and love my life!
I made some serious headway with the film project! And eager for my next visit! However,
my most recent visit to Asia was raw…believe me! The most raw and real of any of my travels! I’ve concluded
that I don’t need to “process.”
Process what? Talk about it, dwell on it? How will that best serve the end goal in mind or the
people?
Every time I leave, upon my return I’m commonly asked, “how
was your trip?” I smile and do the best I can! I so badly want to share it all!
I think back to that 20 year old Sean and say to him, “do
you have a right to feel sad, somber, or ‘special’ because you think you
experienced some deep meaningful and raw experience?” “Heck No,” my inner man
says, “there’s work to be done today, and that’s how I’ll best serve the people
over there.”
I’ve chosen to change my mind and I believe every moment is a gift…especially the raw, hard, and real
ones-just like the blissful ones! I haven’t had the time to sit down with my family or my
closest friends to share all that I saw and experienced. Didn’t have time with the experience
before that. I flew straight from the refugee camps in Asia to my families
house for thanksgiving dinner the next day, flew to Africa two days later to
debrief two World Race squads in two different African countries. Upon my return from that, I’ve
hit the ground running…..again!
The brevity of life is haunting! The air we breath, the skin
we wear… we are a walking miracle. There is so much work to be done! I pray I have many years ahead of me to run my race!
I
think I’m beginning to resolve that “processing” is centered around awareness and time… not how
much you say or think about an experience! What I mean is there is no formula! This is coming from a man who was trained to be a
professional at processing. Within
this context this is my conclusion.
Apply this to the 20 year old me. If I traveld for a month in Peru tomorrow it would be a
breeze in relation to the rest of my travels! Doesn’t make me a super special guy, I just have a greater
perspective! Likewise with what I’ve been exposed to as of late! All I can say is my awareness has
expanded to a level I never known before.
And now “processing” doesn’t mean what it used to. Instead I choose to be fully present
today, aware of what happened yesterday, and strive to be better tomorrow! But willing at any moment to share and be fully present to my past experience. Sometimes I feel like I’m a part of the
Special Forces or something. It’s like I get sent out for a 3-week undercover
mission to be back in the office Monday clean-cut and ready to work! Otherwise, with the amount of exposure and rawness of my current
lifestyle I would implode if I went down in sorrow dwelling on some stuff!
Hope burns all the more! Crazy how that woks!
However, it doesn’t change the fact that there are days I
sit in front of my computer and a memory, picture, email, or when I open my
wallet and see two different currencies I get taken back…….and then I can’t
stop weeping! I weep for them, for the love I have, and it only gets
deeper and stronger!!!
I’ve turned into a crybaby! I think everyman should try it! If you haven’t heard being “tuff’ isn’t cool anymore!
