…. Continued from my blogs: Pride Comes Before a Fall (part
1 and 2)
I was going through this battle because I was believing the
lies that the devil was whispering in my ear. God had brought me to my knees before him humbled and
broken, but Satan was using that to push my face in to the ground. Finally I said enough was enough. We had a squad worship time one night
in Vilankulos, Mozambique around a huge bonfire. I was an amazing time of singing and thanking God. Everyone just shouted out praises to
our father and several people stepped up to speak out lies that the devil had
been feeding them. This is one of
the most amazing experiences to watch some come forward in vulnerability and
brokenness and admit their struggles and have the body of Christ surround them
with encouragement, prophetic words, and just listening ears. The body of Christ was always intended
for this exact purpose, to help out your brothers and sisters when they are
struggling with things and to be vulnerable with each other.
This entire time I was sitting there encouraging others and
praying for people and just worshiping God, I realized that I needed to step
out and be vulnerable as well. For
me this is no easy task, again because of my pride. But God was screaming inside my head…
JUST DO IT!!! THESE
PEOPLE LOVE YOU!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!
So I just started talking about how I had been attacked by
the devil lately and how I was ready to speak the lies out and starting living
again in that amazing freedom that God gives us. These are the lies that I had
believed and that I spoke out in my group:
- That I
had failed as a team leader - That
people on my squad thought it was my fault for my teammate being sent home - That I
wasn’t as needed or wanted as much anymore since I wasn’t a leader. - That
the people I had recently become closest to didn’t want to be as good of
friends anymore.
All of these ridiculous lies were and still are completely
untrue and just a sad attempt of Satan’s to bring me away from doing God’s work
in Mozambique. After I had spoken
out the lies, I was amazed to see so many people step up and speak against the
lies and tell me so many encouraging things. I just sat there weeping. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been for rejecting God
like I had and falling into Satan’s trap.
I decided to leave the fire area for a bit and go walk out
into the lake that we were next to. I just stood out there knee deep, arms open wide, just staring up at the
beautiful night sky and the huge African moon and the thousands of stars. I just talked to my Daddy God and
repented for so many things. I
fell to my knees and just knelt there sobbing with my face in my hands. After some time of being alone out
there, Warren, Amanda, and Tiffany came out to be with me. The girls got on either side of me and
held me, while Warren stood behind us. They started singing praises to our God. Tiffany stopped singing and mentioned that was the perfect
spot for a baptism. I just started
crying and laughing even harder at that point. I had been thinking for a while now that I would like to be
baptized again.
My first baptism was when I was in the 7th grade
and it meant something to me at the time, but God has brought so far since
then. I have been through so many
ups and downs with my faith over the years and it wasn’t until this trip that I
finally grasped the concept of really living for Christ. To really put all of your hope, faith
and trust in him; to truly surrender everything to him and to just follow after
him. So when Tiffany mentioned
that it really just rocked my world, because in that moment I was right on the
verge of asking Warren to baptize me. So when I voiced that Tiffany, started laughing and screaming with
me. She said that God had told her
to ask me if I had really been baptized before. At this point all 4 of us started screaming and laughing and
Warren got this huge ear-to-ear grin on his face (I would make the 4th
person on this trip that he had baptized). So at that point Tiff and Amanda
stand on one side of me arm in arm and Warren spoke over me and then baptized
me in the water. I came out of the
water with such a sense of freedom that I had never felt before. I couldn’t stop smiling. At this point everyone had left the
fire and gone to bed so I just stood by the fire alone singing praises to my
God. I just started thanking him
for all the amazing things had done in my life and was continuing to do through
this trip. I stood there for
almost an hour and it literally felt like only ten minutes.
I have come to realize over the past few weeks that my
baptism is a physical symbol of what has been happening in my spirit. It is just a way to publicly show that
I am not the same woman that started this race, that I have fully committed my
life to God and have surrendered my desires and dreams to him, to allow him to
have all control. It doesn’t mean
that I can’t mess up anymore or struggle with things. After all, I am still human.
