Fears. Hmm… I have been asked many times recently what fears I have for my trip coming up, and I have to say the main one at this moment is separation and fear of being forgotten.
If you know me, I am a very relational and intentional guy. I enjoy being involved in the lives of those around me, and building memories with the ones I love. But how the heck am I going to do this when I am gone for 11 months? How will I be able to make a quick phone call to share a funny story, or meet up for late night run to Whataburger? What happens when a friend meets someone they want to start pursuing, or ends a relationship with someone they cared a lot about? How will I be a friend while I am gone? This is something I am still unsure about, and something I have to give up to the Lord on a daily basis.
Over the last two months, one of my closest friends has been gone in another state for an internship, and I just got the opportunity to go visit her a few days ago. While it was great seeing her, it began to sink in that I wouldn’t be able to make random trips to visit her and other friends for the next 11 months. On my visit to see her, I also had to say “see you later” to another close friend who came to visit, since this past week was the last time I would see them before I leave. The fact that I am leaving for 11 months is becoming that much more real to me, and the doubts of whether or not I should go have flooded in from the enemy.
Another part of the preparation includes moving out of my apartment next week, and separating from my roommate and close friend who I have made so many memories with over the last three years. I know that I have been called to go, but it’s hard to leave behind all the things I have known. This is hard. This is weird. This is something I want to avoid. But this is happening. I am learning to trust not only God, but also my friendships on a whole new level. I have to choose to believe that the love I share toward them is equally as strong as the love that they have for me. I need to choose to enjoy the moments I have left with my best friends, instead of focusing on all that I will miss.
The main friendships I am leaving have been rooted on a foundation of the Lord, and he is my rock and no matter what waves have or will be thrown our way, it has been evident time and time again that friendships prevail. It’s funny because today it clicked with me, that I am being used for a purpose around the world, in not only 11 countries, but in 12 countries in fact. God will still use me in my friends lives, whether it be a FaceTime call filled with laughs and stories, or a Facebook message filled with prayer requests that will allow me to enter into their current lives.
I have learned that I haven’t had a huge issue yet with leaving my family, since they are absolute in my mind. They can’t, and won’t leave me, because they love me too much. They will always be a part of my life, no matter what…but the friendships I worry about the most are more then friends, but family. They have each grown to be a brother and sister in my heart, so whether they like it or not, they too are absolute.
So with all this said, if you could keep me in your prayers by asking God to show me the love my friends have for me, and to remind me that he has called me to go, not to ruin things for me, but to allow for growth. He is going to use me to be a light, to be love, and to be joy to not just whomever I meet along the race, but in the people’s lives I already know and love.
