Well… it’s already been a month, almost two. What. In. The. World. It took me a bit to process what all last month really was. Costa Rica was one big learning process, for me, and a really fast pruning season. In the midst of the month, season, whatever you may, it was extremely hard to stick with it. I couldn’t see clearly until now.
1.I realized I had no idea what abandonment really looked like.
As you know, I parted on a journey of 11 months around the world with one backpack of items and even before leaving I sold most of my belongings at home. I thought that’s what abandonment was… boy was I wrong. Abandonment is so much greater. Abandonment is more than just reducing material things. Abandonment is giving it all to God, items plus some. Abandoning your wants and desires. Abandoning your thoughts and feelings. Abandoning the cycles. It allows us to transition from self-focus to stewards of God’s Kingdom. It changes your mindset, focus, intention, and purpose. In Costa Rica, I now realize that I had trouble with this, but because I didn’t understand fully, I ran to other comforts around me in the country. I was completely blinded. When you abandon your physical things you are left with brokenness or just a new, different feeling inside and because of that feeling you are left with a choice to make. Do you depend on Christ or yourself? I chose myself, not even knowing and it left me feeling extremely stuck. (#2 explains further)
2. I looked to money for my security and comfort more than Jesus Christ.
I had to fundraise $16,561 in order to go on the world race but I also had to bring extra funds with me for emergencies, necessities, if I wanted to eat out, shop any, or any type of fun excursion on our days off (so if you seen pictures of me doing any type of excursion, just know that none of that came out of my funds for the trip… it was extra money I brought along with me). Lets just say I spent a little too much on my first month. We did ministry in Jaco, which is more of a touristy area. They have a lot to offer. I began to get distracted on the whole being away from home in a foreign country idea. I tried to fulfill my homesickness with temporary comforts, i.e. comfort eating, comfort shopping, etc. When I added up all I spent, I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t budget my money at all. I felt ashamed and disgusted. I depended on my bank account to comfort me since I was away from home. I didn’t have to eat out, because we had food budget money to cook at the hostel. I didn’t have to buy the clothes that I did, because I packed all that I needed. I should have gone before God and asked Him to be enough for me. After I beat myself up about it, I realized that I was beginning to struggle in forgiving myself for that. I asked Him to speak truth to me about the situation. I am so glad that He shook me up now and not months down the road. I am so glad that I serve a God who uses our mistakes and broken pieces for good. Although it was all a decision I made, He is showing me now what self-control looks like. He is prompting me to start learning how to budget. He is showing me what true dependence on Him really looks like. He is showing me the truth behind the word abandonment.
3. Ministry isn’t always fun.
Before coming on the race I had this picture in my mind of what it was going to look like. I had the stereotypical view of what people think of mission trips as, like some “Barbie savior” of orphans kind of thing. I forgot that ministry also sometimes involves getting dirty. A lot of times we look to Jesus as just a miracle man or just a healer or this clean cut man, when in reality He got down and dirty. Yes, He did all of these great things, but He was also a carpenter, He also got really dirty, but it was all a part of his ministry. Costa Rica for my team and me involved a lot of construction. We built a roof, dug trenches, made a sidewalk, cemented some walls, did some painting, picked up trash around the neighborhoods to prevent Zika etc. We had a few days where we helped out at the church and the community, but most of the month was hard labor. We didn’t see the immediate results of what we did, but if we weren’t there to help, the ministry wouldn’t be able to host any other type of ministry functions. And on the plus side, I picked up a few handy skills along the way.
4. I have believed the lie that guy friends are easier than girl friends.
A lot of girls tend to say, “guys are easier” “less drama” “not as catty” and so on. While in some circumstance that may be true, I have learned this month that that is one of the biggest lies. What type of girls are you surrounding yourself with? This past year God has shown me the truth in girl friends back home. They are supporters, up lifters, there to do life with you, and so on. This past month, living in a room filled with my girl teammates has easily been one of the greatest things. While that was a big fear for a lot of us “Oh no. A room filled with girls!!!” it has really been a lifesaver. They have been my backbone. I was able to be vulnerable, shed tears and laughter; I had one of the greatest birthday surprises put on by them, some are complete opposites, but it works when you all have a Kingdom oriented mindset. We are truthful, we give feedback for our actions, we share food and medicine when needed, we challenge each other, hold each other accountable, and we care for each other, and put each other before ourselves. They are shaping me into a better person so I can take it with me for the rest of my life.
5. Not knowing a language is only a barrier if you allow it to be.
It is difficult not being able to understand or speak, but in all reality it’s the actions behind the words that matter. I was able to interact with kids and see them smiling and laughing without even speaking much. I’ve been able to pray and communicate with the locals in the city in a new way. You can still be united and make great friends without knowing the same language.
6. Prostitution is as serious as the news, movies, articles, etc. make it out to be.
Jaco is known for sex, drugs, and surfing. It’s a beautiful city, but it’s dark. A lot of ladies either look for love in giving themselves away but a lot also do it for an income to provide for their families. I learned that so many of the shops aren’t really shops. Take this red building below for example: the building had a shop down stairs but upstairs was more than that. There is a loft club but it’s more than just a loft. It’s a V.I.P. loft and they don’t let just anybody in. It’s a place for men to come get girls pretty much. Some massage parlors are not massage parlors. Some hotels have a little more going on than just renting a room. A lot of men come on a “business trip” out here but get more out of it than just business. It’s a place for men to come freely cheat on their wives and families back home. Sad part is, a lot of it is legal. Some isn’t, but most is. God definitely stirred something in my heart for these women. My heart aches for them. To think that they see this as the best way to make money, to think that they see this as the best way to receive love, is so heart wrenching. And to think that men have no shame in buying women for sex, to think that men have no shame in coming to get away from home, drink, and cheat… hurts. To think that men don’t see the value in protecting women and to think that men don’t see sex as something that God intended for it to be is mind blowing.
7. I take my comfy bed, AC, and other comforts for granted.
Comforts I miss:
My dad, my mom, my brother, my stepdad, my cousin, my aunts and uncles, etc.
My friends
My church
My house
Air Condition… wow yep, AC… the good ole days lol.
Hot showers- warm at that
Being able to flush toilet paper
My bed… my comfy blankets and pillows and sheets
Junk food… cheese its, hot Cheetos, home made cookies, sunflower seeds,
…but also the gym
Ice cubes… or ice cold drinks at that
My closet
Washing Machines and dryers
Saint’s games
Walking around the French quarter or freely going to the lake
The mall
My car
Snowballs
Popeyes… SOS
And the list can go on and on and on
But I have learned that with these things stripped for me for some time it created room for other, new things. LIKE:
Brownies (tried my first brownie in Costa Rica and I don’t necessarily know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing… I had at least 57)
Fresh fruit markets
Surfing
A lot of foods that I didn’t think I’d like
Waking up early
Team time
Truck bed rides
8. I take food for granted.
It was fun helping out at kids club but also really sad to see that a lot of them come to kids club just for the free beans and rice at the end. Food is so freely given back at home. You eat whenever you please. Here on the race, you get what you get pretty much. I’ve gained a high appreciation for food seeing the culture and with our own meals. I’ve always loved food, but I’ve learned an importance in it: don’t be a glutton and don’t be picky.
9. I love team time and feedback.
Feedback. Oh, feedback. At the end of each day we have team time which is when we all come together and talk about our day, maybe do a devotion, watch a movie, or play a game, it could really look like anything. We also do highs and lows of the day and feedback. Feedback is when we go around and give constructive criticism to a teammate, if needed. At first that could be a serious “woahhhhhh, what?!” but I’ve learned the importance in encouraging through this. I’ve learned the importance of being transparent and vulnerable. Who doesn’t want to grow? I know I do. It could be really hard hearing some things, but if you give and take with love, it’s such a healthy way of living. The way we perceive things can always get us in trouble and stir up thoughts within ourselves, so it could even be little things like “I’m assuming the best from you always, but when you did ____ it made me feel ____. Can you better help me understand why you did that?” and the other person would respond with what they really intended. It clears the air a lot of the time. It could also be things we love that someone did that day or things that we think they could work on. It has a 24 hour rule. You should never hold things in for that long and bring it to another day. New mornings bring new mercies and new beginnings. I’m really going to miss a community of feedback when I get back home.
10. Wifi is too much of a backbone sometimes and it’s okay to disconnect for a while.
Not hearing what’s happening on the news, not seeing all of these celebrities post, not being up to date with every little thing that everyone back home is doing is a huge plus. Social media is great, but not having it everyday is also great. It can cause a lot of distractions. At home, we can so easily hop on the couch and scroll through Instagram or Facebook for how ever long to keep us entertained until we have something to do. Here on the other hand, you can’t do that. You still have other things you can be distracted by, but most of the times it’s good things. It urges you to read, or dive into in person conversations, or spend quality time with the Lord, or journal, etc. I find it leaves space in your brain to be filled with more needed things. When you’re forced to limit things like this, you begin to realize how much you WANT to limit things like this. I hope I can keep it up for when I return home.
11. I need to be okay with being a seed planter and not seeing the actual growth of the plant.
At training camp we learned a clock method of this. While it’s great to be the 1-2 o’clock person and tell someone about Jesus for the first time or being the 11-12 o’clock person who sees the individual accept Christ (the more cooler stories), it’s also extremely important to be the 5-6 or 10-11 o’clock person. It’s hard not seeing immediate results of people’s lives or even things like helping build a ministry up and not getting to see the people flow into the ministry. This is for back home as well in whomever or whatever you may come across. God needs us right where HE has us, and whether it seems appealing to us or not that’s something we have to be okay with.
I wrote a previous blog about not feeling like what I was doing was worth anything but in the time that you have where you are with whatever is going on, it’s important to make the best of the situation and extend love and hope in the 3-4 o’clock or 7-8 o’clock position as well as the more exciting moments.
Thanks for all the support and prayers thus far! I am already in Nicaragua and man have I learned a lot so far… can’t wait to share it with you guys. This place is something else…
Oh and it’s all squad month! Yayyyyyyyy
