This has been my thought for the past week. I arrived in Costa Rica about a week ago and it’s been far from what I’ve expected. Not in a bad way, just all to real and so much to process and take in. For the past week I’ve mainly done construction around the ministry hostile that I’m staying at and I’ve battled with the thought of “what good is this doing?”, “why is God not doing crazy mind-blowing things?”, “why can’t I spend my whole day interacting with the locals?” etc.
I still haven’t gripped that thought or reasoning why completely, but I have learned a few things in this process. Most mission trips are so exciting because you have this mind set of going to love on orphans and be with the homeless and heal the sick, (yes I will have plenty of those life changing moments), but living a Kingdom Journey is something so entirely different and that’s what I’m living right now.
It’s a humbling process. It’s tough, but it’s humbling. Right now, I feel like I’m being brought below my standards. Back at home, you couldn’t pay me to go dig up holes and make trenches or clean out rat-infested sheds or sweat my booty off cleaning up the local park (picking weeds with countless slugs and centipedes and raking up 14 heavy bags of leaves… aka mosquito and every insect under the sun’s home). One thing one of my teammates said was that our work is not just busy work or going void or useless. If it weren’t for us being willing to get down and dirty, the hostile wouldn’t be able to be used to bring in the locals for future World Racers to minister to or the Church here itself. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this, but the truth is I am privileged to be able to physically work like this and privileged to be here helping in such a way, even if it’s behind the scenes and I don’t get to see the outcome except maybe in future pictures. Not only that, God is showing me a lot about myself in this.
Though I feel as if He hasn’t done “mind-blowing” things yet, He has, in different unexpected ways. I had a really tough day on Wednesday. To sum it up, it was just gloomy. Outside physically and internally. I was struggling with being around people 24/7 and that itself causes me to be easily annoyed by such little things and also missing my family, etc. It was kind of all the feels coming at once. I wanted to read an encouraging letter from my mom specifically, but I couldn’t find one, so I let God feed my soul. I laid down and listened to worship music in my headphones, but He knew I wanted a letter. (Words of affirmation is my love language, but there’s something about written letters that make it all the more powerful) I find comfort in written encouragement and as I was laying there almost dozing off listening to my music, my teammate comes in the room and sets down a letter on the side of my bed. One of my teammates that I’m struggling internally to understand and be patient with, God used to bring me a letter (2 in one kind of knock-out). He knows my heart, and He loves me so much. It was clear that He is here with me and walking with me and hears the depths of my heart, even the parts that I get frustrated with because I can’t understand why I’m feeling the way I am; He comes in and soothes my heart, soul, and mind.
Later that night the guys went out to feed the homeless and the girls stayed in and prayed for the prostitution in the area. For the first half we focused on praying for them and praying against it. Then we focused on us as a group of woman and prayed for each other. As some of you reading this may know, I got asked to be the woman’s ministry coordinator, which means I am in charge of putting together any type of woman’s group this year, whether it be a small bible study or a huge woman’s conference. I had been struggling with the thought of “okay, woman’s ministry, but what type? Who am I supposed to reach out to? Who am I supposed to focus on? And who is going to help me?” God placed on my heart that night that He wants me to go in the direction of sex trafficking. I shared with my team and a few different girls confirmed that. Some girls had met a lady who is in the process of wanting to start some type of woman’s ministry with prostitution. She currently does bible studies with a few of them but needs help. So it’s as if God completely lit up the path to take even if it’s just for this month to help out this lady.
To end the night out, I shared my testimony with my team and it was so powerful because they all deeply felt what I said. It wasn’t like I was simply sharing a story about someone else, but with each word I spoke they felt it with me, too. They cried with me, even before I started crying and prayed over me and stated powerful words over me.
Two of my teammates even went out there way and bought me a candy bar because they knew how much I was craving chocolate on this tough roller coaster of a day.
I am so blessed to be here. I am so blessed to tangibly see God express His love for me in ways that I’ve always longed for. I’ve longed for girl friends like the ones I have received for years. It’s only been a week and it’s clear that they are the real deal and my life long friends. I am blessed to see God work in the ways that He is throughout all of the people around me. Although I feel like I haven’t done much this week and confused to why we can’t do ‘bigger’ things, God fills that spot even when you’re getting down in the dirt, literally.
As I am physically digging a trench by the hostile, the words got spoken over me that I am going to help get other woman out of the trenches that they are in spiritually and emotionally this year. It’s like He showed me physically how hard it is to remove everything out of the way and to literally dig to get to the trench, just for me to tangibly understand what it’s going to be like getting women out of their own trenches.
On some days life won’t be fun and exciting, but in those days if you really look for it and ask for it, you’ll find it’s worth.
This past week summed up has shown me that this is far greater than a ‘mission trip’. I am blessed to be on this Kingdom Journey and I am ecstatic to see all that He is going to do this year.
He is able to do IMMEASURABLY more than all we can ask or imagine.
Some pictures (more to come):
