I cannot begin to explain the work God has been doing on my heart. During our debrief at the beginning of this month, one of our squad leaders said “Your fear stands before the door to your greatness.� So I began to think, what is it that I fear? From what do I try to hide? At first, I must admit, nothing came to mind; no fear, no insecurity. So what is keeping me from my greatness? But like life always does, she saved her slap in the face for a moment I would feel it to the core of me, and it hit a chord. More than a chord, it hit a wound.
I once heard it explained that a wound casted aside cannot be healed; it becomes infected, abscesses, and continues to cause pain. The only way it can heal is the cut must be reopened and flushed out, getting rid of all the pus and dirt so that the wound can fully mend. Since the first month on this race wounds have been reopened, have been flushed out, at times to the point where the pain was too much, where just letting the wound be infected felt like the better choice. But it’s not an option.
I have used the analogy that life gives you scars, but Jesus can take away those scars, which I still believe is true. A wound can heal so wonderfully that there is no evidence, nothing to prove otherwise that a cut or tear was made, and while I came on this race for that kind of healing, it’s not the type I want anymore.
As I fight to clean out these wounds, I am no longer ashamed of the scars and no longer want my wounds to be healed beyond the point of ever recognizing they were there. I want the wound to heal, I want all the parts I’ve held on to, all the parts I’ve let infect how I act, how I react, ultimately who I am to be flushed out, cleaned never to return again, but I have a new respect for the scars I now bear. The scars reminds us that we’ve gone through the battle. That yes, while the knife of depression once cut my legs out from under me, a scar now reminds me that I am still standing. I am not ashamed to have gone through those battles, because it is Christ who has brought me through them. Those scars are visible marks of where Christ has touch my life, healed my heart, and changed my soul. In place of my weakness lies the scar tissue of Christ’s strength.
Here I am again, turning the focus to my wound and pulling out the splinter fear has so deeply planted within me. So I ask you, what fear is keeping you from your greatness? And are you prepared to reopen the wound that has been left unhealed, fish out the splinter of fear and inadequacy and watch as Christ takes your splinter and makes it your sword?
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.� Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
