My squad has chosen to pick a topic for each week and write a blog on that topic. This is my first one. The topic from last week was obedience. Mine is a little different. For me writing this blog is an act of obedience for me. God has been telling me to write this blog and I kept making excuses because I have been reluctant to put these thoughts out there for the world to see. It is really raw and honest and puts me out there with no walls around to protect me. So here is what I wrote in my journal a couple weeks ago.
“As I sit here in small group I am hit with a realization that hurts. I do not let people love me. I can love others with no problem, but I have a very hard time letting others love me. I want to let people in to love me, but I’m not sure how. This leads me to begin to ask questions that I do not have real answers to yet. Questions like, ‘Do I allow God to truly love me?’ or ‘Am I loving Him and letting me love to a small extent, but not letting Him fully love me?’ I know there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less, but am I opening myself up to this love?”
As I look at the time since I have written this in my journal, I can see areas in which I have allowed Him to love me. In these areas, I have received even more blessings than I could ever have imagined. Is this what I was missing by not accepting the love He had to offer me? What else am I missing out on by not letting others love me?
My goal for the new year and the rest of my life….Let God love me to the fullest and let others love me the way I love them.
