Welcome to the Official World Race LDR How-To Guide. Maybe you’re here because you’re a future racer, staring 11 months of long distance in the face—or maybe you’re on the other side of it, the significant other staying home while your boyfriend or girlfriend galavants around the globe. Either way, you’ve come to the right place.
Let me start by saying this: being in a relationship on the World Race is not always easy, and sometimes it’s really, really hard. Here’s the hard truth: many couples break up on the World Race. There is absolutely NO shame in that. I am so in awe of the obedience it takes to listen to what God is calling you to do, even when it hurts. Everyone has their own story. No matter what happens in your relationship during 11 months apart, I pray that you would trust that God is good all the time and has an incredible plan for you—seriously!
While dating on the World Race isn’t a walk in the park, it also has the potential to be one of the most growing times for both of you. It’s an incredible thing to walk this journey together! If you think you’re going to give it a go, here are a few tips to help you along the way:
PRAY FIRST.
Before you leave, pray about this decision and make sure you’re ready to tackle this long distance head-on. You may need to have some tough conversations, but it’s better to get them out of the way now! Ask yourself—is this person chasing after the Lord? Is he/she someone I can see myself marrying? Is this relationship going to distract me too much from what God has for me this year? Being honest with yourself and your significant other up front can save yourself a lot of hard conversations down the road.
GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.
If you’re committing to almost a full year of long distance, you need to go into it with a big picture mindset. Focus on being mentally prepared for how you are going to deal with some of the inevitable hiccups along the way—like when you don’t have wifi for a long stretch and can’t talk, or you get frustrated with each other because you can’t read tone over text. These things will happen! Go in with a plan, stay the course, and keep a 365-day mindset.
WRITE LETTERS.
If you’re the one going on the field, ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to write you some letters to take with you. They’ll be unable to mail you anything once you leave, so taking along some pre-written letters is a huge blessing! My boyfriend gave me a stack of letters to open at various times—everything from “open on your birthday” to “open when you need a laugh.” Get creative! He printed out pictures and always had me looking forward to the next letter. These are such a gift and are definitely worth the room they take up in your pack!
PRIORITIZE TIME TO TALK.
All you have this year is communication. This is a blessing in disguise! There will be some months you have close to zero access to wifi, but for the most part you will be able to chat with your boyfriend or girlfriend—even if that looks like trekking to the nearest coffee shop. Texting is a great way to stay in contact on the day-to-day, but FaceTime will be your best friend this year. If your wifi is good enough to FaceTime, use it! There is nothing like hearing their voice and seeing their face. So much can be lost over texting, and I find FaceTime to always be like pressing the “reset” button and re-energizing for the next leg. This will take sacrifices on both ends—living in different time zones is no joke. I can’t count the number of times we’ve had to wake up before the sun or stay up late just to find a time when we’re both available. I promise, it’s worth it.
HONESTY IS KEY.
This should be obvious. There will be days when both of you are struggling. There will be days when everything feels boring. It is SO important to talk about those days. There have been countless times I’ve had to set aside my pride and say “hey, this is what I’m feeling, these are the lies I’m believing, this is what I perceive you to be feeling,” etc. Be honest in the struggles (as well as the joys!) you experience over the course of the year. Fight through the hard and the boring days. Don’t dance around the tough stuff! Ain’t nobody got time for that. Unless you talk about the hard stuff, it’ll all just build up and create an emotional distance in addition to the physical distance you’re already living with. If you can be intentional about being honest in the desert of Bolivia, you can be intentional about being honest when you’re back together in the states. All of this builds trust, arguably the most important piece of the long distance puzzle.
KEEP A COUNTDOWN.
This isn’t for everyone! It is incredibly important to stay present on the race, and for some people, keeping a countdown can greatly inhibit that. My boyfriend and I both have an app that lets us know how long until we get to be together again. I also keep one that counts up from the last time I saw him. It is so encouraging to realize how far you’ve come—knowing that it’s already been 295 days since I’ve seen him and only 63 until I get to see him again. Time goes faster than you think—focus on the present, but it’s also okay to be excited about the future!
ON THAT NOTE…
Plan for the future. I don’t mean planning your wedding and what your kids names are going to be, I mean fun little adventures to embark on when you get home. Plan a road trip, plan hikes to go on and places to see. Plan movies to watch, dates to go on, and people to meet. Don’t let yourself be consumed by it, but it’s okay to talk about! It’ll give you some excitement and hope, and as my boyfriend Joey put it, “lets them know you’re in it to win it!”
HOP ON THE AFFIRMATION STATION.
Y’all know about the five love languages, right? If not, look them up. Unfortunately, when thousands of miles separate you from your SO, Word of Affirmation is just about the only one you’ve got. Let them know how much you adore them, how you miss them like crazy, how worth the wait these 11 months are. If he’s at home, tell him you’re proud of what he’s doing at work and how good he is at his job. Tell him he’s handsome and wise. If she’s on the field, tell her the picture her teammate tagged of her is beautiful, even though it’s clear she hasn’t showered in four days. Tell her she’s strong and you’re proud of the work she’s doing, too. These things go a long way in long distance relationships, and those words will be cherished more than you know.
WRITE OLD-FASHIONED E-MAILS.
I know, who uses e-mail anymore, right? Wrong. The communication I’ve valued the most this year are the e-mails my boyfriend and I have written back and forth. It started in month one in India, when wifi was non-existent. I wrote e-mails to be sent later, and we’ve haven’t stopped sending them since. E-mails allow you to thoughtfully write out the things you’re experiencing, the things you’re learning, and the things you’re feeling. We ask each other questions and answer them in the next e-mail. We have been able to learn so much more about each other and go so much deeper through the simple art of writing e-mails, and it might be the thing I recommend most to long distance couples.
CELEBRATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
You’re in a really great relationship. It’s exciting, and it’s okay to celebrate that with other people! On the World Race, especially when the vast majority of the people on your squad are single (I’m talking 95%), it can feel awkward or uncomfortable to bring up your boyfriend or girlfriend. However, your teammates and squadmates WANT to celebrate with you! Chances are, they want you to be happy and your relationship is an encouragement to them—a testament of God’s goodness and faithfulness. It’s okay to gush to them about how lucky you are! Same goes for the person at home. Brag about the guy or girl who gave up a year to serve the Lord, and tell the people around you how excited you are to see your SO again. (Note: also talk about other things—your relationship should not be the only thing you ever talk about. Nobody wants that.)
(Birthday Celebrations From Afar)
PRAY WITH AND FOR EACH OTHER.
This is one of the most important things you can do this year. There are few more meaningful phrases than, “how can I be praying for you?” Pray together and separately. Pray for each other, the things you’re going through as individuals, the struggles and the triumphs. Thank God for your relationship and ask Him to bless and grow you into the people you are designed to be. Pray for your future together. Spend time in the Word and ask each other about what God is teaching and guiding you into. Keep Christ at the center, always.
TRUST IT ALL TO THE LORD.
Going on the race when you’re in a relationship is a major leap of faith. It’s a scary thing, knowing that these 11 months will either grow you or destroy you. Before I left, I prayed a lot and found an incredible peace in knowing that no matter what happened, God had it all figured out. I gave it all to the Lord—my hopes, my fears, my plans and expectations. I had to give Joey to the Lord, too—and trust that in these 11 months, Jesus would draw him nearer and continue to grow him into a strong and incredible man of God. I had to trust that Joey would choose that for himself, too. I prayed and continue to pray that we will both come out of this closer to our Creator, and through that, closer to each other.
These 11 months will be hard. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will have the privilege of seeing some of the ugliest parts of you, as well as some of the most beautiful. If you’re wondering if you should sign up for the race, I say absolutely. 11 months apart may feel like forever right now, and sometimes it does—but I can say without a doubt that every minute of this time pursuing the Lord, together and separately, has been worth it. Give it all to God, and always remember that he is the author of every good and perfect love story.
