Ok… I think God wants me to share this. During squad worship this past Friday night, God was convicting me of being sinful in my heart and showed me this vision that I found pretty powerful. So powerful that when I went up front to share it with the squad, I may have started crying… 😛 And I NEVER do that. Here goes.
Picture this with me as you read. Only insert yourself in my place.
I was sitting on the floor in the church when the vision started. It was the time of the crucifixion. Christ was beaten and bleeding, lying on the cross on the ground, stretched out in agony yet lying quietly. And I was there, kneeling on the ground next to Him. In my left hand, I held a huge spike; in my right, a large mallet. I glanced at Him lying there then placed the spike on His wrist. And I struck it with the mallet. He didn't utter a word. My sin was nailing Him to the cross. Every time I did something wrong – mistreating someone, getting angry, acting selfish, lusting, sinning – I drove it deeper. I knew somehow that it was wrong, but I didn't care. I glanced up for a moment and He turned His head and looked right at me. Not just at me, though, He looked at ME. Like He saw my heart and soul, not just my outward appearance. He didn't say anything, though. He didn't have to. His eyes said it all. They were sad, overflowing with sorrow… and something else. Love. His words appeared unbidden in my mind – I love you. That was all. No condemnation, no anger. A tear slipped down his face. And do you know what I did? I lifted that mallet again and I laughed evilly and willfully sinned again and brought the mallet smashing down again, driving the spike even deeper. It was the spikes of my sin that held Him there as the cross was dragged to the top of the hill and set upright. The sky became dark and thunderous, a mass of sickly swirling clouds. As I saw the cross being lifted, I suddenly KNEW. I realized everything I had done, the heinous crimes that I had committed. I felt wretched, evil, vile… I was on my knees at the foot of the cross, sobbing uncontrollably, clasping His feet and His blood was running over my fingers and down my hands, covering me in liquid scarlet. Tears blinding my eyes, I sat back. His blood was on my hands. Literally. The blood of Christ was on MY hands! I was a murderer. I stumbled backwards in fear and horror, staring at my hands in revulsion. Then, as I watched, the blood turned from deep crimson to white, to clearer than clear and it was washing me, enveloping my entire body and transforming me from a dark, twisted creature into a thing of beauty, purified and cleansed. I heard His words in my head again as I stared down at myself in amazement. I did this for you. Because I love you. I forgive you. You are Mine. His love covered me, filled me, overflowed me. I felt such joy and peace! It was so great that I stood up and began dancing furiously, laughing through my tears. Jesus loves me so much that He let me kill Him; He took the punishment that should have been mine and suffered and loved me through it. And He has cleansed me and seen fit to give me new life filled with joy and peace and innumerable blessings.
This is what He's done for you. He loves you THAT MUCH.
