I feel like I've had writer's block. I keep wanting to post something but I have no idea what to write about. I guess I should have asked God a little sooner. Or maybe I should just have listened a little better… I've had some pretty mind-blowing revelations lately. I mean, they're such simple things cuz when you realize them you're like, "I should have gotten this so long ago!" but it completely blows your mind at the same time. Ever had those thoughts? Within each of these revelations, there is much truth. And each revelation embodies a revision to my heart.
One occurred this morning. I woke up and as I was walking out of my bedroom to go upstairs to the common area for breakfast, I told God I really wanted oatmeal. "Please, God, please, please, PLEASE let there be oatmeal for breakfast!" I slipped my flip flops on and wondered If breakfast is already made, does it really matter? Cuz the action is already done. Bounding up the steps, God hit me with this sudden realization – I am not bound by space and time. Do you get that?! God is NOT bound by space and time! We are finite so we have a hard time understanding this. We think in terms of past, present, and future. But since God isn't bound by that, even the past and future are present to Him. So if we pray for something that happened in the past, God isn't bound into time the way we are; it's still a thing that He can change. Who knows? Maybe before I prayed for oatmeal for breakfast, the women were cooking something else and my prayer allowed God to cause a change in the past so that my prayer was fulfilled in the present. Incidentally, we had the most amazing baked oatmeal EVER for breakfast.
Then, later this morning on the way back from a feeding, my squadmate Rebecca asked me what God has been teaching me lately. In voicing it to her, I realized I'd had a few more revelations than I'd thought. One is about surrender and freedom. I have struggled a lot with growing and changing from the heart. Oh, my actions will change for a bit, but unless my heart truly changes, then my actions will eventually go back to the way they were. Also, I'm a very stubborn, determined individual who hates to be seen as weak, has a lot of pride, and refuses to give up or give in or stop trying. Sometimes, these can be great qualities. However, in the aspect of letting God change me, they've proved to be more detrimental. I don't give up, or give in, or trust Him to change me without my help. So I keep trying and trying to do it on my own. I pray for the change and struggle along trying to make it. Last Friday night, I had reached the end of my rope. I was discouraged. Dejected. Distraught. Emotionally, I had fallen and couldn't get up, was lying flat on my face, screaming at God, "Why won't You change me?! Why am I still like this?! I'm broken and dying and I want to live! I'm so discouraged and tired of trying… I can't try anymore. I give up! I'm not going to try anymore. If You want me to change, then You'll have to change me." Bam. THAT is what He wanted. Complete and total surrender. Surrender to freedom. What an odd concept! It's a totally foreign thing, a juxtaposition that's hard to fathom until you actually experience it. And that's when your mind gets blown! Usually, we define surrender as something bad, giving up, coming into slavery; essentially giving up our freedom. But when we surrender to God, we are surrendering to FREEDOM. Because God gives us the greatest freedom ever but we have to stop trying for it on our own and just surrender and let God give it to us because there is no way that we'll ever achieve it by ourselves. And you know what? The change that I had been trying for so long to achieve on my own was there when I woke up in the morning.
Another huge revelation God has given me is about love. Before coming on the World Race, before coming to the Philippines (actually, up until just about two weeks ago), I did not want to have kids. Yeah, sure, I liked kids and enjoyed babysitting. But have my own kids? No thanks! Foster care or adoption? Eh… maybe but that's somewhere off in the vague, far-off future. But after the past month in Manila, I have come to the conclusion that I want to adopt and there are currently seven kids (and counting!) that I'd love to adopt right now. That's the crazy thing about love. God gives the best unconditional love. If we try to love on our own, our love is finite and will come to an end. But if we love with the love of God, then we can keep pouring it out and He'll keep filling us up. And the more He fills us up, the more we can pour out and overflow onto others. I never thought I could love so much, or so fully. But the more I love, the more I want to love; and the more I want to love, the more I God enables me to love; and the more God enables me to love, the more I love. It's the most powerful vicious cycle ever! Because love isn't something that's weak or silly. Love truly is the strongest, fiercest, most powerful and evocative thing in this world. It's what makes us want to help and serve, what causes some to lay down their lives for friends and family, the thing that forces us to go without for the sake of others. It's what compelled God to send His beloved Son Jesus to die for us, and what allowed Christ to suffer and die for us. To be loved like that is life-changing. And God, through loving me that way, has given me the ability to love others that way.
So what is the conclusion?
God is not bound by space or time so stop limiting Him to that.
Surrender so that God can give you the greatest freedom you'll ever know.
