“God’s got something for you in this season that is crucial to all other seasons to come. Are you willing to trust Him?” These words were spoken over me at the beginning of South Africa. Here is what the trusting season has looked like for me-
I left the rice fields of Cambodia. Where once I ran with flowers in my hair, hand-in-hand with an orphan, I now find myself walking the main roads of Strandfontein, a beach area of Cape Town. Nothing could’ve prepared me for the transition. While Asia is full of idolatry and darkness stemming from a generational cycle of Buddhism, the environment here is a different type of difficult. It’s not ignorant to Jesus, it simply ignores Him. Poverty sucks individuals into gangs and violence. Many children grow up in shantytowns surrounded by parents with a maturity level never surpassing that of a child. Children raising children. Poverty raising poverty. I have had the opportunity to spend time with some of these children on the camp grounds. Some days that all too familiar ache in my chest begins. I wish I could turn back time. Hold them close and squeeze them tight with all the love their little hearts crave. Remove any negative influences and things they’ve falsely internalized as normal or right in the world. Teach them manners and how to treat others well. Fill their bellies with all the food they need.
The second ache in my chest begins when I drive away from these camp grounds and in a mere 15 minutes find myself in a great expanse of wealth. Cape Town, South Africa is not a third world country. It is not the tribal village many picture when they think of Africa. Cape Town is a mere 21 years set free from the shackles of apartheid, and while racial tensions have diminished, the divide between rich and poor remains. It makes me sick. It makes me angry how a population can dine, surf, and strut around in designer jeans and fancy cars while their brothers and sisters lie in the graves of poverty simply because they were born on the wrong side of town. On days when the ache seems almost too much to bear, I’m drawn to honest, searching, raw prayers. Prayer is important, and sometimes it feels like it’s all I can really do when it’s me up against a corrupt society and 6 girls tumbling over one another to try to be the one sitting in my lap. On days when I am overwhelmed, almost numb as I listen to the incessant sound of explicit music and heavy base coming from my neighborhood, as I think about the tiny lives of the shantytown children running haphazardly around, as I hear the materialism and consumerism of Cape come knocking at my thoughts, as I witness the complacency of generations, I have a choice. I can choose to respond in fear for what will become of this culture, or I can practice believing that full life is beyond fear. Full life isn’t inhibited by whatever twisted messed up circumstance you were born into. Full life is a result of Christ. And so I pray for their lives to see Life.
As I have sought after Life, I have become more aware of the broken things that I have still allowed to live and manifest themselves in my heart. My single most consistent prayer has been, “Build my house on solid rock Lord. Shake foundations not built on the rock of Jesus. Take control of my thoughts, my mind, my heart, and my choices. Teach me to live free so I stay free.” This prayer has done things in me, and I must admit, it has not been fun. Nothing has felt in my grasp. I have wrestled over scripture and pertinent principles in my faith in ways I never have before. I’m realizing I have merely scratched freedom’s surface. As I struggle with the concept of what it looks like to truly live as a new creation, I realize I have stumbled upon something that is so much larger than perfect understanding–grace. The answers haven’t been immediate or easy and I’m learning that this in itself is not failure. Like everything else in my life at the moment, it feels very very outside of my realm of expertise or control.
In Matthew 7:7 it says, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be open to you.” Yes, ask, seek, knock, but most importantly don’t be afraid to keep on when results or clarity don’t happen overnight. It’s humbling. The things I’m getting tripped up on feel like juvenile, basic, foundational things. But hasn’t my prayer since the beginning been that my faith be built on Solid Rock?
If I am a cathedral for the Lord, then in the past 4 months of the World Race, He has built me high. He has added beautiful stain glass windows. He’s worked meticulously with me as we have constructed new towers. He has taken me into new rooms my eyes had never dreamed I would see. In this season however, I’m content to stop and allow myself to be in my Maker’s presence while He renovates the groundwork, the structure, the foundation. It’s not as exciting as adding new things. Renovation is more tedious, more difficult, more confusing. I won’t see results immediately, but I’m done letting my lack of control make me feel chaotic. My God, by nature is not a God of chaos, but He is certainly okay with my mess. I merely have chosen to be faithful in my pursuit of Him. I’ve decided to continue seeking while I allow Him time to do what He does best- He takes beautiful cathedrals and makes them more beautiful with the eye of an artist but the heart of a construction worker who wants His work to stand strong for forever and a day.
“God’s got something for you in this season that is crucial to all other seasons to come. Are you willing to trust Him?”
