Heart Wide Open

10 days. How can 10 days awaken such change in me? These were some of the hardest days of my life and yet these days can also be counted as the ones I felt most free. Training camp stretched me spiritually, physically, and emotionally. God sweetly pursued my heart, and met me in such an intimate way in Gainesville, Georgia. He breathed His Spirit into me and through it I’ve seen drastic results in every aspect of my life including my physical health. (Sidenote- I’d love to share my story of healing with anyone who wants to hear.) I learned what it means to be empowered and to claim authority in Christ. I couldn’t have done these 10 days out of my own ability, but through Christ alone I took on endurance and strength that I didn’t even know was available to me through Him.

He is a good good Father and longs to have my whole heart. Throughout the week, the Lord waited patiently as I began to get rid of various stones in my heart that were making up a wall that was keeping me from unabashedly pursuing my Maker. All around me people were claiming freedom left and right. I became more aware of the Holy Spirit, and as I made more room for Him in my life and heart, it changed my daily walk. I learned about what it means to live and love out of what I receive from the Holy Spirit. My faith and ability to live out of simplicity were constantly stretched. My cleanliness was debatable (baby wipes, hand sanitizer, and bucket showers became known as gifts from God above.) My stomach was trained (breakfast, lunch, and dinner were eaten off a single plate shared by 8 people and it certainly wasn’t American food.) My body was pushed (fitness tests, hikes, morning workouts, and walking uphill 20 times a day was complete normalcy.) My character was tested (team formation simulations, community living, thought provoking sessions, and self evaluation brought me to new places.) My ability to sleep anywhere and in any way improved significantly (various training scenarios often occurred at night, but they all had one thing in common- lots of sleepin’ on the ground.)

But I didn’t walk these things alone. Not only did the Lord stand by me, He gave me a family to hold my hand along the way (quite literally held hands with many of them at one point or another throughout the week haha.) No but in all seriousness, God put a family of 50 people in my life who loved me so well and so selflessly, I was overwhelmed. He gave me the gift of sisterhood. Girls who rejoiced with me when I was joyful, who cried alongside me when I needed to process, and girls who most importantly responded to everything with prayer. I am so blessed to be able to do life with such faithful hearts that urge me to go deeper. We shared so much. The laughter, endless inside jokes, tent sleepovers, cinnamon roll craving, putting in eye contacts with minimal resources, quiet times, PMAC (positive mental attitude checks), getting lost in the river, crazy dancing, shampoo spa sessions, smilin through the pain, portapotti prayers, arts & craftin, Myers Briggs and 5 love languages obsessions, nap aspirations, febreze addictions etc etc etc.

I am just so thankful. I pray that His praise will ever be on my lips. In the times where it is natural to bring Him praise, but also in the times where thanksgiving is a deliberate choice amongst hardship. I want to praise Him because He is so so worth it. Coming home is hard. Home is good and sure, actual toilets, AC, and a bed are nice, but what I have experienced can not be undone. My outlook on life and my relationships with the people I love are shifting, and that’s okay. And it’s also not okay. And it’s okay to not be okay. The Lord wrecked my life in a week and a half, and it’s only just the beginning of this season He’s calling me into. He’s about to take me to new places and new heights in the upcoming 9 months. In the past 10 days I fell in love with someone named the Holy Spirit. And my Love’s plans became my plans. This week the wall built up in my heart began to come tumbling down, and so I stand here now with hands open wide saying “what’s next?”