I’m big into understanding. I really love to grasp a full concept and understand the why, the how and everything in between. So with that fact comes an apology and an explanation of a lesson I learned this month. I try to fully grasp what happened each month before I post, instead of just giving you, my incredible supporters, updates on the mountains the Lord is moving.
My heart wasn’t just wrecked this month, it felt like it was ripped out of my chest, and I had to fully trust that in the hands of Jesus it would be okay. So as I sit here with the wheels still spinning, I will struggle to put into words how God showed me that love at first sight is real.
Her name is Yolandi and she stole my heart the second I met her.
In fact the Lord had been preparing me to meet her all week. I had been hearing about a girl that had been in the hospital again and was up and down with her health. So one day in a “mommy and me” class she came through the door and right into my arms. As I held her, this sweet child mesmerized me. She is about to turn three years old, and cannot walk or talk. So I was asked to help her learn to walk and just love on her. I’ve never felt more inadequate in my life though, how could an hour and a half of loving on her change anything? All I knew to do was love her the best I knew how and pray that God would do only what He could do.
In that hour, love that I have never experienced took place. Words simply do not seem sufficient. I was at a loss for what to do, but it was there that God took over. She learned to walk in that class, got life in her eyes and even smiled.
I wish I could tell you I left the class filled and renewed that the Lord was alive and well, but I was more lost than ever. I ran out of the room as I handed her back to her mom, sobbing and broken. A friend and I ended up crying together after asking God how He could leave children so forgotten? Why would he show us that?
We were so lost that to attempt to find an answer to “God, I don’t understand.” We looked up ‘understanding’ in the back of the bible. I know, not very holy or wise sounding, but it was there that we found our answers. It is not about understanding, for we cannot fully comprehend the ways of God. I’m not called to understand, I’m called to love and trust. Everything is worked for Gods glory and for a moment I was blessed to play a small role in a greater plan.
So here’s to not having to have it all together, or always understand why. Here’s to trusting, even when I don’t see the end result and loving with reckless abandon. The day left me weak and broken, but when I am weak, He is made strong.
Prayers as we head to Vietnam!! Remember it is a closed country, so be careful what you send me or tag me in!
xoxo Rach.
