*This blog stems from a journal entry from about a week ago…it’s a glimpse into a bit of the internal journey. Tomorrow I’ll post an update on the goings on in South Africa:
This past month has already been a crazy one in so many ways. First off, we are staying in a western(ish) neighborhood in a nice house, complete with a sit-down toilet, three dogs, and a living room with a big squishy couch. It feels so “normal” and it makes the heart pine for home. It is also so easy to slip back into “normal life” mode. Defenses go down and the mind begins to reel.
One thing that has been swirling around in my heart and soul, fighting for my attention, has been this idea of identity. At home you carve out your identity in your surroundings and your loved ones. We all train each other in how to respond and in the roles we play for each other. It gives us comfort because it gives us context.
So, being (yes, voluntarily) ripped away from your context and tossed into a situation where close to nothing is familiar can throw you for a loop and bring certain things to light. For me, I realized that I have put my hope, security, and even my identity in people. My salvation, faith, and redemption are firmly rooted in Christ, yes, but my context has been coming from people (with my circumstances butting in with their opinions every once in a while).
And here’s the problem with people: they are imperfect. They get busy. They get tired. They have their own issues they are working out. They are not always there. And they only have their own perspective.
Don’t get me wrong, I love people (especially my people). People are my favorite. But that is not where our security and identity lie.
People are only able to relate to you through the lens in which they know and perceive you. A parent will always see you through the parental lens. A coworker will see you differently. A friend will see you differently. When you are relating to people, they will throw back to you based on whatever lens they are wearing and whatever circumstance they relate to you in.
We have our own lenses, too. We have the “oh, well I’m just not that kind of person” lens and the “I’m just not meant for that” lens and even the “well I am the only one who knows” lens.
Like tattoos, people mark us from birth onward. At some point, we also begin to mark ourselves. With words, with actions, with lack of both. When we look in the metaphorical mirror, it is these tattoos that we see.
When we are absorbing these tattoos into our skin and trying to act accordingly, things can get tiring and confusing. We try and wear the parts of us that we think will gain us the most love and acceptance and tend to consult that list to answer the question of “who are you?”
“Well I’m the funny one. I’m the one who has a hard time with the feelings. I’m the rescued victim. I’m the creative outsider. I’m the talker. I’m the listener. I’m the one who gets passed over. I’m the energetic communicator and number-one explainer…etc…”
While the list may contain many parts of your personality, the list does not encompass your identity. By solely consulting the list, your unstabilized core can be shaken and things can get stressful when you leave your context.
But here’s what I’ve discovered and here is what has been a personal cure for this particular insecurity. If our hope and our security are rooted in the One who created our identity, in the One who is always perfect, in the One who is never too busy or tired, and in the One whose perspective is always correct, then we will never be without context and our identity will remain constant despite the everchanging menagerie of people and circumstance.
This revelation put into practice has changed this trip and (hopefully will change) my internal life considerably. Here are a couple of verses I’ve used to answer the “who are you” question that have been an encouragement to me and hopefully to you as well….
We are more than conquerors and inseparable from the love of God:
“We are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
We are people created for purpose:
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
We were chosen for a purpose on purpose:
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.” John 15:6
For me, that’s a good place to start and continue to build on as I get ready to begin my 27th year.
I’ll give an update on the exciting happenings of QwaQwa in the next couple of days, so say tuned!
Thanks so much for being my people, everyone! I love you all and can’t wait to see you again in and out of context.
Love,
