Taken from a journal entry written on 4/21:
Sitting in a coffee shop with mood lighting and several ways of processing coffee that I can’t pronounce has provided an abnormal bit of “normalcy” to this month in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. It’s the first time on this trip that I’ve spent more than a week in a major city. Aside from many opportunities to teach and preach, it has provided many opportunities for reading,writing, reflecting, and many other “post-work” activities (karaoke, anyone?).
In my reflections, I look back on the last few months and ponder on the future. There has been much hardship and much that has come out of the hardship in the last 10 months on this journey. I have held poverty in my hands and sat next to hopelessness. I have seen children without parents, homes, or love. I have seen abandoned elderly and ostracized and abused “outcasts”. I have walked side by side with exploitation and stared into the eyes of captives. The truth is, the world can be an ugly place.
And I can be ugly, too. I have complained about constant meals of rice upon rice. I have complained about the wifi connection. I have complained about the annoying people I’m forced to live with. I have complained about the heat, the cold, the same five shirts, the lack of water access and the distance away from Disneyland. I forget that what I have back home are blessings and not rights. I forget that my list of complaints is another’s list of blessings.
Being a missionary is strange. You go into these places armed with your message of Hope and Love and Redemption, yet are oftentimes faced with the fact that YOU are the one in need of what you’re preaching. Yes, it is an incredible thing to share the love of Christ with people- to tell them that they are of value and are worthy of love. To teach and love and pray for people who have never been taught or loved or prayed for. But it is also an incredible thing to be hit with the stark reality of your selfishness.
I don’t know if you know this, but there are A LOT of people in the world. Like…a whole bunch. Most of them have never been to Disneyland. Most will live off of meals of rice upon rice. Most will only ever own the same five shirts. Most will never know the annoying joy of another potluck with a community of people who love them. You are blessed. Trust me, you are.
It’s funny to be processing all of this in the midst of processing the future. I will get home in June with nothing of permanence set in place. I will have no job, no car, a small chunk of savings, and nothing that American society would credit me as a “successful human adult” (I’ve got plans, of course- school, credentials, careers- but plans don’t get you many successful-human-adult points). It’s scary, but not. I was reading in 1 Timothy today where Paul reminds Timothy (and me) that “we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we shall be content with that” (1 Tim 6:7-8). Food? Check. Clothing? Check (even if it is the same five shirts). Contentment? …..check?
This year has borne much fruit. Many people have been affected by our traipsing around the globe. I have witnessed people recognize their value for the first time, learn and understand the English language better (a ticket to a better future), laugh much needed laughter and cry much needed tears, and be encouraged in their ministry. I’ve held the hands of mothers of sick children in a hospital who just needed someone to understand and to cry with, seen forgotten children eat a much needed meal and receive a much needed hug, and watched the eyes and heart of a hard person soften to know that somebody cares for them. None of this is to my credit. I just happened to be the person that was there. Most of the time, I had no idea what I was doing- but just trusted the Lord to help me not mess it up too bad. To God be the glory and not to the bumbling “missionary”.
My hope is that all of this will bear fruit in me as well. I hope to remember these people, these lives when I begin to fret about getting a car. I hope to look back and remember the joy that was had on the floor of a thatched hut when I begin to stress about where I’m going to live. And I hope to remember that it is a blessing to be struggling toward a career and a future, rather than struggling for survival. I hope to remember that God is moving all around the world without my help. That people are bowing down and worshiping him without an air conditioned church with donuts and coffee after. That they don’t have Christian culture to dictate their likes and dislikes, their political leanings, or their Facebook status. They have the Lord and they are content.
What a concept.
*end of journal entry*
I can’t believe I am in the midst of and even closing in on the end of the 10th month of this crazy journey! Thank you so much for cheering me on and being such a support through all of it. I am excited for home, but also optimistic about what these last several weeks will bring. On the 27th we will be heading to a country I’m not allowed to mention in case it’s keyword searched for by their government, but I’ll just say it’s the large one where Mulan is from. My team will be in the capital beginning with B and we will be working with an organization that does various things from running an orphanage to running a charity shop. I’m told we won’t have much access to social media and have to be uber cautious about the whole Jesus thing. We have to “play the part of the goofy tourist” in public, which will not be very difficult for me to do.
Anywho- I’m sure I’ll be able to get some sort of vague blog up in the future and post some goofy tourist pictures, but just a heads up if I go a bit dark for a little while.
Please keep me in prayer for clarity, wisdom, opportunity, and provision in the transition back to western civilization (there have already been some crazy cool and [sort of] unexpected ways that have come through)! Thank you so much again for all of your support- the adventure continues!
Love,
