Praise God I am fully funded! He is faithful in providing for my every need, and my trust in Him is growing every day. There was a time, however, when doubt filled my soul and I nearly missed what God had for me…
A few weeks before training camp, my squad mate asked me how I was feeling about the world race. My mind was consumed with doubts about fundraising and how it looked like an impossible task. I couldn’t stop worrying about it. No matter how excited I felt about the race, I incessantly blurted out remarks about how there was a lot of money to raise, and I wasn’t sure how I could do it.
The doubt was like a giant scary monster, and it lived on a spooky mountain. Every day and night it howled at me keeping me at a distance. There I stood at the trail head, mystified in the shadow of the wilderness as it stretched into the clouds, but unable to cross the threshold and step into what God had for me.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. – Martin Luther King Jr.
During a conversation with my mobilizer, Austin, I spoke with him about my considerations. I told him about all the reasons why I loved the idea of doing it. It truly felt like God was calling me. There was, however, the issue of paying for it. I wasn’t sure I could swing it. He responded confidently with assurance and encouragement, and said if God wills it, He will make a way.
What a text book answer, I thought! At first, I wondered how he sleeps at night knowing He’s making all these empty promises to poor lost souls coming out of college and looking for an adventure like me, but I realized that those weren’t his promises he was spitting off in script. They were God’s.
So, I asked myself “Do, I truly believe in what God says?”
In the Bible, there is a verse that talks about a mustard seed, and how if your faith was the size of it, you could tell a mountain to move, and it would. I didn’t know what size my faith was to be honest, but I did know that this was a mountain I was facing, and there was no way around it.
Every time I looked at the $16,962 staring at me on the website, I thought of all the money I had to my name – around $120. I thought about the last week of classes when I survived off of Little Caesars pizza and free food from the student union. I thought about the online form I just signed stating, in detail, the exact amount of money that I was going to owe my school after graduation. I thought about my last semester of school and wondered how I was going to pay my tuition. Not to mention the years of growing up bound by a spirit of poverty left from years of penny pinching and seasons of meals on wheels as a kid.
This monster had teeth.
I think the chances of someone telling an actual mountain to move and it moving is unlikely because God put it there for a purpose. I know he loves mountains, because I love mountains. God is speaking of faith that can look at what seems impossible and trust that God can make a way. If I’m being honest, my faith was tiny, tinier than a mustard seed, and looking back on it, I’m sure God was holding back laughter as I fervently pleaded my case to him. But what little faith I had was enough, and now I have no idea where that monster went.
You may be facing an immovable mountain, with your own scary monster living on it, but if my little mustard seed can make it move, than yours can too. Trust in Him, and stand up to your fears and you can live an audacious life. Have that conversation you need to have. Pursue that passion that is burning in your heart. Face your monsters, and know that God is greater and more ferocious. Then one day, you will look around and wonder where that giant scary monster went as you take in the breathtaking view on the peak of the mountain.
