Something did change in me at camp, I know because I can feel the difference. However it now appears that the change that occurred is something I have to fight to hold onto. Lately my battle strategy has been to lock my lips. At camp we sang “I will not be silent” and now I’m barely muttering under my breath.
During one of the activities my teammates were given the opportunity to ask God what he had to say to me and then to speak it over me. They told me they felt God was offering me a microphone and that I would speak to large crowds of people. The funny thing was they had a harder time with what they were saying than I did. Their thoughts on the matter were based upon the fact that I’m going on a mission trip and speaking to crowds makes a bit of sense. I’m quiet, shy, so I find it easy to understand where they were coming from.
What they don’t know and what I couldn’t bring myself to tell them at the time is that I like public speaking. Oral presentations are one of my favourite assignments and I’m actually really good at them. I enjoy the challenge that conveying a message or a series of information presents. However that enthusiasm ends when I step inside of a church. My only explanation is that I am afraid to claim my story. Neutral subjects are easy but my own personal story requires a level of vulnerability that I am afraid to muster.
The weight is still gone.
