It’s fairly safe to say that I am not a sports person. Only on a very rare occassion would I actually sit down and voluntarily turn to a game of hockey, baseball or any other sport that didn’t require a degree of artistic expression as entertainment. However I really enjoy sports analogies and I love how inspirational teamwork and coaching is. So this post is, in part, an analogy about baseball and I am requesting upfront that all you sports fans out there grant me artistic license.
It wasn’t very long ago that I was struggling really hard to keep myself positive and overcome the effects of being burnt out and, for lack of a better word, really depressed. I had run away from my past, shoved down a lot of emotional turmoil, believed lie after lie about who God is and who I am in him, and slipped into a legalistic pattern that did nothing but feed my insecurities. At that time I was focused on making sure that mask didn’t slip, crack and reveal the chaos I was feeling inside.
Nothing and no one was safe. Not even God, actually, especially not God. I believed that He was the mastermind behind my despair. He was the one who refused to show up when I planned things and would not honour any of my efforts to please Him. God was just pushy, judgemental and really good at pointing out my mistakes. God was not a ‘safe’ person to turn to He was just there waiting to trip me up and make me feel guilty.
At that time what I wanted more than anything else in the entire world was a ‘safe’ place. I always pictured myself as a child, wearing warm comfortable clothing, being rocked safely in the non-judgemental arms of a parent. I wanted that security but I believed that it was out of my reach. I knew that people cared about me but I didn’t believe that they cared enough to walk through all of the garbage with me, who really has the time, patience and love to do that? I thought for sure that I would be skidding into home plate with the Ump looming over me yelling ‘OUT!’ just as my toe grazed the base. I was so sure that I refused to give it a try. I didn’t seek out community, I just kept quiet and entertained my darkness.
With God it was different because God has exceptional eyes. He doesn’t see people the same way that we see people. Let me try to illustrate that…
I’m a cashier. I see a lot of people in a day and, although it may not be in my job description, it is my goal to treat each person with dignity, respect, patience and love. I try my best to SEE people but I can’t see or even remember half of the people I talk to. Some people come up to me days, even weeks later and make a comment about a previous conversation that I simply do not remember. In fact often I just don’t remember them. At the time that I was helping them I tried to see them but as soon as they were out of sight I forgot them. God isn’t like that. He sees us before we see him and he remembers us even when we’ve forgotten Him. We captivate his thoughts and are always before him, we are the apple of his eye (Zechariah 2:8).
God pursued me. His keen eye picked up not just the garbage I was holding onto but the ways it was hurting me. It was like I had a dead body tied tightly to my back and as that body rots, I too begin to decay and develop sores. That dead body was all of the guilt and grudges that I had collected over the years and I needed to let it go. I needed to accept forgiveness and allow God’s love to soothe my pain. God began to show me that. He began to love me, to heal my insecurities by setting my feet upon a rock and holding me safely in his arms.
Suddenly the face of the umpire wasn’t drawn and harsh, there was a soft smile, not a pronounced frown on his face. He was excited for me as I slid into home and as my foot touched the base a huge smile enveloped his face as he yelled ‘SAFE!’ and pulled me up into a hug.
