Okay, I admit, I kinda stole this blog from Tim Dixon. But hey, seeing how I helped write it, what the heck! So here it is folks, World Race Bathroom Reader – African Edition. Enjoy. A word of caution, use parental discretion for some lines:)
1.
1. Butter knives are not usually very effective
when trying to slit a goat’s neck.
2.
2. You know you will get protein for dinner when
you are given a live chicken as a blessing.
3.
3. Before using a “long drop”, you should probably
stretch first.
4.
4. While bathing in the river, you should always do
a 360 degree scan before undressing in front of local children.
5.
5. It was a good day when the Pastor finds Jesus
during the altar call.
6.
6. It was a great day when the whole church found
Jesus during the altar call.
7.
7. Africans tell time by the sun, so if choir practice
is at 2 PM, they are not late if the sun is still up.
8.
8. When you see a burning cross, it is not right or
wrong, it is just different.
9.
9. Mosquitoes suck your blood, malaria sucks your
life!
10.
10. Clean water in Mozambique mean a mere 3 worms in
the drum instead of 10.
11.
11. Rocks are a great security mechanism when you
find a random American pooping in your cornfield.
12.
12. The Male Urination Center(MUC) can double as a
place for Bucket Shower(BS); sandals recommended.
13.
13. A general rule of thumb, when beating a rabid
dog, it’s like beating a piñata, don’t stop until you get what you want.
14.
14. When suffering from symptoms of malaria, don’t
die, go to the clinic.
15.
15. When taking malaria and de-worming meds in
Africa, beware that side effects may include but are not limited to anorexia,
hepatitis, and in rare cases, death.
16.
16. When you hear a gunshot in the middle of the
night, don’t be naïve in thinking it’s harmless.
17.
17. As a missionary in Africa, you must always be
ready to “share what you have prepared” regardless of time, circumstance, or
advance notice.
18.
18. A successful day evangelizing is when you come
home with guava, ground nuts, and a live chicken.
19.
19. When carrying home a live chicken, always
remember: don’t provoke the chicken!
20.
20. In Africa, a laundry line can double as a leash
for tomorrow nights dinner chicken.
21.
21. Missionary hygiene becomes offensive when you realize
you bathe less frequently then the local village orphans.
22.
22. Staying in budget means using garlic as
food/seasoning and bug repellant.
23.
23. Zambian villagers measure distance s differently
then Americans. “A few kilometers” means two hours and two mountains.
24.
24. When toilet facilities are not available, a bush
guard may be necessary to make sure you don’t get caught with your pants down.
25.
25. There are no prerequisites to joining the
Nyamphande Zambian choir. You can
attempt to learn to sing in Nyanja, shake your hips in the front of church, and
blend in like you’re not white.
26.
26. A good layer of dirt works as bug repellant; a
weeks worth of dirt helps you to blend in as an indigenous African,
