Before I go into what God has been doing in my heart these past couple weeks, a small back story.
I love Christian music. This probably isn’t a surprise. Christian music for me is my daily encouragement. I love to listen to it in the morning while I get ready for work, on my work to work, and just during the day when I’m at home. There is something about the atmosphere it gives that I love. Its quality time with God that really feeds my soul. One of my favorite artists is Lauren Daigle. I love her voice and her songs! One day at work my coworker said she heard one of her songs on the radio and she really liked it. I told her I love her! That she has such good music. Well that coworker turned out to be my secret Santa. She got me the cd How can it be by Lauren Daigle. I was so excited and blessed! This cd has really touched me in many ways.
One of the songs brought me to tears when I first listened to it, as I was driving home from work. It’s called Loyal. What struck me to core what this part:
You are always there for me
You listen every time I speak
You look into my eyes
You see the things I hide
And say that You will never leave
Your promises I can not break
And I know You will never change
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal Your love is,
Your love is Your love is loyal
More faithful than the rising sun
This grace for me I can’t outrun
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
Why is this so meaningful for me? Because it speaks about who God truly is! Faith is something I have Always struggled with. I am that person that likes to plan, which can make me kind of a worrier.. so then I get stressed. Then I’m stressed about being stressed! I have a hard time believing that God does have a plan, a husband for me, a future that I will enjoy. I remember years ago when I was little I asked my mom, “What if the plan God has for me isn’t something I will like or want?” I was concerned that God would “make” my future something I didn’t want to do, but since it was his “plan” I had to follow it. These thoughts and concerns have always been so real to me. Not that these feelings are something that I can “hide” from God, but that’s how I feel I have treated it. Like I pray for God to provide then secretly doubt that he will come through. Which, honestly, why would I even doubt? God has never given me a reason to feel this way. Yet sometimes it’s all I can think about. I try to plan my life based on what I enjoy, thinking my plan is better than his cause I know me. Well he created me! God gave me all these feelings and desires for a reason. For example, I have always wanted to travel. I want to explore and see the world! I used to have background images on my computer of world maps with quotes like “ all the places to see” or “ I haven’t seen everywhere yet, but its on my list.” When I redecorated my apartment the first thing I bought was a world map that I put up in my living room. My heart has always wanted to see the world. Now, I’m 8 months away from that adventure! God has taken my heart for the world, and my heart for people, and combined them into something called the World Race. I get the privilege of traveling the world while sharing the love of God. So why do I “hide” these doubts I have. Because I’m human. Because I sometimes let the fears of this world creep into my heart.
Just like the song says, “More faithful than the rising sun, this grace for me I can’t outrun, Your love is, Your love is, Your love is loyal” His love is faithful. God PLAN is faithful. HE is FAITHFUL! God will ALWAYS be there for me. He will always have a plan that is better than mine, and his plan will always be better for me. God is loyal. Whatever need I have he is there to provide. This is something I am starting to see more and more in my life. No matter how many times I might walk off the path he has for me his grace is always there for me!
These next few months I know God wants me to develop more of a raw relationship with him. The kind of relationship that is natural. He wants me to fully surrender myself to him. To become loyal to him and he is to me.
