“ Grief is a tormenting roller coaster. A roller coaster in the dark leading wherever it pleases without any indication of the next twist and turn.”
I hate the word grief. Grief hits like a wave crushing me on jagged rocks. One minute I am full of joy and happiness on this great adventure, then I crumble before my own eyes into a darkness that comes so quickly. There are no answers, I looked. I surrender and ask God to comfort me, and He does, but then the wave comes again and knocks me right back down.
Since my mother passed away on month three of this journey, I have had to navigate this roller coaster. Returning to the race and following the Lord where He leads me.
I stumbled across a blog, where the writer quoted this book:
“The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise. I discovered in that moment that I had the power choose the direction my life would head, even if the only choice opened up to me, at least initially, was easier to run from the loss or to face it as best I could. Since I knew that darkness was inevitable and unavoidable, I decided from that point on the walk into the darkness rather than try to outrun it, to let my experience of loss take me on a journey wherever it would lead, and to allow myself to be transformed by my suffering rather than to think I could some how avoid it. I chose to turn toward the pain, however falteringly, and to yield to the loss, though I had no idea at the time what that would mean”.
–Jerry Sittser (A Grace Disguised)
I have stopped looking for answers and I have stopped asking the Lord to take away my pain. As followers of Jesus, we are never promised a life of complete bliss that is free from trials and loss, but He does promise that everything is for His glory. When those waves hit me, not much makes sense in this world, and life seems terribly unfair. I have a choice to trust or to run into what this world has to offer me. My prayer is that I trust the Lord unconditionally, despite the circumstances in my life. That I face head on the inevitable and unavoidable darkness, leaning on the strength from the Lord and let my experience of loss take me on a journey wherever the Lord has planned.
For I am the Lord, Your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
