I’m going to be really honest…
Culture shock hit me hard in Guatemala. It is completely different than all the other countries I have been to in a way that this one is similar to America.
I am surrounded by similar comforts I have at home. I am living in an actual house. I have my own bed, a real bed with a real mattress. I have an actual bathroom with a sink, running water, a mirror, a real shower, and the toilet isn’t a whole in the ground. I have constant Wi-Fi that I don’t have to pay for every minute I am on it. I have a kitchen where I cook my own food. I am able to go into town whenever I want and go to a restaurant to eat good food or go to a coffee shop to get good coffee. I have so many LUXURIES that I haven’t had for 7 months and in this first month here I noticed I don’t have a real reliance on God anymore.
As I sit down to really sit with God again I reflect on my race, everything I have been through, experienced, and wonder why do I feel so disconnected from Jesus? I notice When I walk into town I can go to a grocery store with an overwhelming amount of choices. When I am feeling sad or a little homesick I can go to my bed in peace. When I am sick I can go to a good doctor that knows what they are talking about. When I am a little irritated by living with 13 other women in one house I can go to my constant access of Wi-Fi. And When I want someone to talk to I can go to my friends or FaceTime… Where is my need for Jesus?
In the 3 other countries all I have had was Jesus. I didn’t have these luxuries and being here I miss Jesus. I miss my constant reliance and dependence on Him. He hasn’t gone away but I feel so far from him because I am actually functioning without Him. It makes me angry. In this month I have been filling myself with these comforts instead of Him and oh my goodness since being here it is the emptiest I have felt the whole race. I am no longer physically poor, spiritual poverty now taking its place.
At the beginning of the month Jesus told me these next months would be hard, I didn’t understand at the time but now I get it… I have to step back into dependence with Him. I didn’t understand how much the world could so easily take my attention when I have so much access to it and I’m angry at how easy it was… but now I am aware and I won’t let it. Choosing Him constantly is HARD but choosing Him fulfills me in a way that nothing else can or does. Choosing God is always worth it.
