As I lay in my bed in the middle of Cambodia I think about how I have come to this place. The quote “it’s hard to grow your faith inside your comfort zone” struck me. This wild adventure started 5 years ago when I said yes to going on a mission trip to Mexico. I was by no means too strong in my faith, and felt less than adequate to go, but I felt called. I obeyed and God radically changed my life! I met people and saw people live with such faith that inspired me to go deeper into what they were living for. And all throughout my life I always had the comfort of my twin sister by my side.
Before going on the race my sister and I had never been apart for more than 12 hours, we were the classic definition of twins. She was more outgoing and would be the one who talked while I listened. I was an extreme introvert. I could not for the life of me talk in front of others. I was so scared of judgment that I thought if I didn’t say anything then the people around me wouldn’t have a reason not to like me. I would cry if I talked in front of others, my public speaking skills were terrible. But a year later I went to summer camp and God moved in a crazy way.
I was stronger in my faith and couldn’t figure out why God had brought me back to camp, I didn’t realize why I came until the last night. I was sitting on the end of the pew in the middle of chapel. In the dark room, my eyes staring into the big screen on the dark blue wall, playing a video of the staff going on a missions trip over the summer to Haiti. As I sat in a room with thousands of campers next to me I knew that was what I wanted to do; missions. I knew I wanted to do that but how could I? I thought missionaries had it all figured out. I thought they knew absolutely everything about the Bible and Jesus. I knew I couldn’t. I was too shy. As the video finished I couldn’t shake the feeling I got from what I just watched. I was not one to talk but this time during discussion was different. The leader asked if anyone felt called…everyone said no. I started to speak and tears came rushing down my face as my shaking voice replied “this is what I’m going to do”. I didn’t know why I felt this calling because how could I, Monica, out of all people in that room be called to preach the gospel to the nations when I couldn’t even talk in front of a group of people? I didn’t understand.
After camp, now going into the summer of my senior year and thinking about college, I hadn’t thought too much about missions but it was always in the back of my mind. I had a deep feeling I wasn’t going to be going to college with my twin sister and that was very hard to accept, but once I did, I started to realize that I needed to start doing things on my own. I couldn’t always rely on my sister to decide the plans. One summer night I was staring into my bright screen watching a sermon off of YouTube. This was something I did pretty regularly but after I watched it, it stuck out like none of the others had. At the end of the sermon the guy had said “you are never too old to be baptized, I was 38” that struck hard. At this point in my life I wanted to be baptized but I thought I was too old. I knew that I needed to be baptized and the Lord was telling me to take the step in faith that I needed to publicly proclaim my faith and I needed to get over my fears of judgment. I was scared people would judge me because I was going to be baptized late in life while I was already strong in my faith. But I took that step and a couple weeks later I was baptized.
After that, my heart was longing for missions long term. The only one I knew of was a yearlong program that I heard about when I went on the missions trip to Mexico. I was set. I knew that was what I was going to do. I reached out to a girl who did the program and the director but they told me that the program had ended. I was crushed. I thought “but that’s what I was going to do. How could it not be going on?” That was comfortable. I knew the area and had an idea of what I was going to do. My mind was scrambling. I was scared. After lots of prayer I knew I was supposed to do missions for a year and so I searched. I searched and I wasn’t finding anything long term. I eventually found the World Race and when I saw the money I had to raise I felt at ease and I knew I would be able to raise it, so after more prayer I stepped outside of my comfort zone and signed up. And now I am in the middle Cambodia fulfilling that calling He placed on my heart 5 years ago.
I stepped out in faith when I felt beyond less than adequate but I trusted in that promise He placed on my heart in the middle of that dark Chapel room. And I just finished my first week of ministry with my team in a small farming village teaching English to kids that have never had an official teacher. Like God gave words to Moses, God gave words to me. God has shown me that if He calls you to do something then he will provide and I am living proof of that. I had no idea how I was going to raise all of that money but He provided and He still is. It’s hard to grow your faith inside of your comfort zone, and throughout these next 9 months I will discover that day after day, month after month.
