Watch up until around 0:40
This is how I usually outwardly feel when it comes to almost any situation. I'm naturally extremely competitive, and I feel the need to win at anything and everything. To be the best…
When you've had this deep desire to be #1 long enough, you generally develop the skills and talents that are necessary to accomplish your goal. When this happens, a chain reaction at the neurological level occurs and creates what most people call an "ego". Ask anyone who knows me, I have a huge ego. I've been interacting with my squad mates via Facebook for about a month, and I know they can already attest to that.
I could list off achievements of mine. Things I've done that I'm proud of, that I think people should praise me for. I could show pictures or videos, or introduce you to certain people, that would affirm my excellence in certain areas of my focus. I've done things that only less than 1000 people on this earth have done.
Here's the question that I'm starting to ask myself… Why does any of that matter? God could say to me "you may have done this, but I created the universe. Try to one-up me." He won't. God doesn't need to flex His ego. He can accomplish more in one second than I could in my entire life on earth.
The root of my ego and strong competitive attitude could be stemmed from my relationship with my dad, or lack there of. He left when I was 3. Until the age of 10, I had always asked myself "am I not good enough?" At age 10, he reappeared and it was a joyous time period in my life. He was allowed partial custody with visitation rights. At age 14, he left again… This time not just my life, but the country. This situation sparked a drive inside me to become the best, so no one can ever contemplate if I'm enough or not. No one could ever say I'm not good enough. How can you say someone's not good enough if they're the best, right? I still am not in communication with my dad, and that desire to be the best runs rampant throughout my body.
There's a phrase I tend to say when I find myself flexing my ego more than usual, and it's: "I'm so humble. You guys don't even know how humble I am." I say this jokingly, of course. The irony is humorous. I'm really not that humble. Is this bad? Probably. I realize that God will break me while on the race. He will humble me. I will forever be changed when I return.
So, can I be competitive and humble? Absolutely. In fact, I feel as though God is saying to me "Michael, prepare your heart. Learn to be humble." I will be obedient, for only God knows what I will encounter on the World Race.
"Whoever praises himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be praised."
– Matthew 23:12
