I used to live an hour drive from the world’s most
impressive, indescribable hole in the ground: the Grand Canyon.
I’ve been able to experience it only once in my life. It freakin blew my mind. The Father
totally showed me how microscopic I was. It was the first time in my life where
I really understood what the Bible
was saying about how I’m dust…a flower that is here today, gone tomorrow. I’m
nothing compared to that big chasm.
Still the amazing purpose of my life remains.
I went to the Grand Canyon with two very dear friends of
mine, Brittany and Noe. That day, we did one of the dumbest things I’ve ever
done in my life. I look back and tell myself that I’ve made better life
choices.
There was this bit of rock that stuck out from the rim that
looked pretty much like a huge arrowhead. It got closer together at the end as well as thinner the farther out you went.
We went to the edge.
It was like 4,000 feet down from that point, if I remember
right.
Dumb? Let us not focus on that too much…
Perhaps the worst part
was when other tourists saw us and followed. This one lady, baby on her hip,
saw the desire to go out to the edge in her husband’s eyes and preemptively shot down any future action by saying, “I. don’t. think. so…�
I mean, it was pretty rad. But I am pretty sure most risks
look kinda stupid before you do them. And when you actually do them, you can look
back and say you conquered something awesome. And we totally did. But still…a
bit questionable.
Our short trip to the GC ended. I went to my house,
Brittany went back to Tulsa, and Noe made his cross-country trek to Georgia. And I’ll tell
you what; I would lie in my bed and you know when you’re trying to
fall asleep and you picture the thing you did that day? Yeah, I did that. I
pictured this overlook, my friends getting to the very tip for a picture, and I
legitimately wanted to throw up… the thought of falling…ugh.
I had to open my eyes. I told myself that it was over. I
survived. And then closed my eyes again…
Same picture. It was creepy, y’all. And the visions occurred
for a few weeks.
I’m laying on my sleeping pad in Pitesti, Romania. I’m
trying to get some zz’s, when, I get an image of this one time I went to Hawk’s
Bill in Arkansas…
SAME THING! Envisioned myself falling. Honestly, it was like
I swan dove off of it… no parachute…nada.
I squirmed and opened my eyes. I was super uncomfortable…wanted to
vomit.
But then God said, “You see what I did there??�
I said, “touché.�
Y’all I’m homeward bound in a few weeks. And I’m completely
unsure what I’m going to do. And I’m not going to do just anything. I’m going
to maintain the motto: live alive. I walk knowing exactly what I’m doing even
though I have no idea what I’m doing…you know, the definition of faith.
What God just did was show me the possibilities. After the
Hawk’s Bill vision, He showed me the Grand Canyon once again. Then said, “that’s
what’s going to happen.â€� He’s taking me to the edge of a chasm. And, with all
the adrenaline in the world, my lunch in my throat, and every ounce of faith I
have, I can choose to swan dive. And, whoa, if this chasm is anything like the
Grand Canyon…uh…I can’t write what just went through my mind…
I guess I’m writing to say I’m about to launch off a cliff.
I’m uncomfortably anxious about the leap. No parachute. No ropes. Nothing but
my Father…
I’m getting a vision of another time I took a leap. I was
bungee jumping the Nile with my teammate Leyna. Prior to harnessing up, I promised myself I would keep
my eyes open…we tipped over the edge and I made it about an 1/8th of
the way down…AND I FREAKIN CLOSED MY EYES!!! We screamed like little girls…and
I freakin closed my eyes…
I really don’t want to close my eyes this time. The urgency
of these visions are so crazy…I wish you could feel what I’m feeling! It’s
looking like I’m going to be scared shitless but I’m so ready for the place
this leap is taking me.
And I don’t want to miss a thing. I want to be fully present
and engaged in this new adventure.
So, pray for my descent? That I would freely jump…that I
won’t need to be pushed. That I would keep my eyes open to the thrill of the
ride. That I would have faith in my Father, who makes promises and desires to
fulfill them for His baby girl.
I’ve got a lot of life to live. I want to live
it well…
BOMBS AWAY
